School & mom problems

So I overslept yesterday and I didnt make it to the college as planned. BUT I went today and guess what? I am not as big of a dumb ass as I orginally thought. I took my testing and I was bit surprised with the score I ended up with. My Eng is up to par, my math is beyond what I thought it would be. I tested into102 (which is were I should be), but I am going to take 092 bc I am very slow w/ math & I know that I could use a brush up.

Also I have always been more of a reader than a writer and for some reason my writing surpasses my reading scores. When taking the test I would have thought it was the other way around but I suppose not.

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So my Mom has dropped the ball. I am very grateful to have her moral support and love. But I get so mad at her bc she hasnt always made the best choices for herself and these have affected the family. I didnt get along with my Father and so I lived with her for most part. We typically get along great. But when I need her help she is the last to come forward with anything. Now its school. I asked her for my B-DAY to help pay a college fee. Well guess what? Today that fee has not been paid. And she 'cant be bothered at work'. When was my B-day? December! So now since school is so close to starting I can no longer get into a Eng class. I tested well in English. I was excited to take english...but NOOOO.

Getting my Fasfa fill out was a nightmare on its own and yet again I am having to pull the weight of a parent on my own. And if you think I am sounding like a brat then you better check yourself right now. I have paid for everything on my own for the most part since I was 16. 2 days after my 16 bday I got a job and have worked and paid for everything from cellphone, clothes, cars, insurance, rent and whatever on my own. Granted I didnt pay rent at 16, but at 19 I did.

Very rarely will my parents jump in and pay for anything. My Dad will every so often, maybe like 1x-2x a year. My Mom? She has never been able to. When she divorced my Dad that was probably the worst financial choice she ever made. But perhaps maybe the best choice she made for herself. The consequence of this is we have always been just barely been OK. Had she just stuck to what she went to school for and worked like any other Mother would we would have been better off. But my Mom has always wanted the 'sexy business woman' postions. And so it was her always making some risky career move that would force us to make so many sacrafices.

Out of all my siblings that resented her for this I always stood by her and had the attitude 'as long as you are happy' but now I am angry. I want to go to school. I know parents that beg their kids to go and offer to pay for all of it and yad yada. The only financial burden this had on her was a WHOPPING $160.00 fee that I asked her to pay for my B-DAY for fucks sake and she still managed to make this harder on me than it needed to be.

I am so fed up with this crap. I have made so mmay changes in my life for school that if I get fucked out this bc of her I will be livid. LIVID. It was never my duty to be my own parent...and people wonder why I am so bossy and a know it all. Well I would think this is partly due bc I was left to figure shit out on my own. Even this job I have, making squat diddly shit on a stick was so I could GOT TO SCHOOL. FUCK! Is it that hard? I mean do I have a right to be pissed? I dont ask for much and the little I do I am slammed for and you know what she said to me the other week? That sometimes I talk to her as if she owes me something. I asked for an example of this and she got upset and said she would point it out when it happened again. Nothing has been pointed out. Hmm I wonder if this could be her guilt of not being able to provide what she thinks she owes. Is this my problem?

Oh and I am also in the dog house bc SHE CO SIGNED on my car it dropped her credit score a bit....IS THIS MY FAULT? I'm sorry she cant get THE VERY BEST interest rate on her refi, that she'll get knocked up a few percents but that IS LIFE - right? Not everything is perfect. She should know this by now.... I would think anyways... oh and let me add she made the so sign a fucking hay day as well. And thats all she had to do to help me with the damn car.

I gotta got and deal with some fundings...
So sad how a day or even a post that stated out generally happy and is now turned to this.