I am SO BORING!

I wouldnt read my blog if I was another person.

I guess the thing of it is, is I dont write about personal stuff anymore. I just give the headlines and not really get into that much detail. I guess I can't handle being under the spotlight. It's hard to open yourself up to so many different people. They judje you, criticize your choices, & form opinions on things that are maybe a touchy subject. Then some just do all that and point it out for every else to see. Like what happened last week. It just seems easeir to be vague then to show the more softer side of things. I guess sometimes I try to be real, but then sometimes I just am kinda dumb.

~~~

I jinxed B this weekend, he went riding on his quad and got into an accident. He irratated me in an emial bf he left. So I replied for him to leave me alone, and then to be a snot I threw in 'so break a leg tomorrow daredevil'. Well B probably didnt even get that bf he left. But he almost killed himself on the quad ride. He bumped a big rock, fell off his bike, somehow his foot was caught and he was dragged by his bike and almost went over a 60ft high cliff. Luckily his bike stopped. Wasnt there, story doesnt make great sense. But good enough. We talked this morning while he was in the walgreens getting painkillers and relaxers. My mouth dropped. I didnt say one thing about my email. I was just glad he was OK.

It has really been a trying 2mos with him. I cant believe I am here still. Not like in a particular place as like on earth, but here mentally. He can be the best and the worst. IE the anxiety and probably the depression he suffers from. It's not so easy to just walk away and not look back. He is who he is, maybe someday I will grow so sick of it and leave. Or maybe he will get a firmer grip on what he suffers from.

I want to call him and pester him but I am trying hard to just wait and give him some time to relax hence this is the first day he had anything to help him sleep. Road rash I guess is covering a large amount of his body.

He is also leaving to go on his little 'guys vaca' on the 4th so it sucks to be him all screwed up. Just him and a guy friend, how much trouble could they possibly cause and get into? Should I eat my words right now?

~~~

Math is going well. Am so happy that I may just be up to par with what we are studying in class.

My psych/soc class has hit a BORING bump and I am hoping that it doesnt not continue in this direction.

~~~

Well anyways, I dont have much else going on. Happy f'in monday!

So far this weekend has been a good one. I've been busy.

Friday night Jeff took me out for this treat. We only made it to din din. Which was awesome. A very nice Mexican food restraunt. Then we came back to my casa and hung out. Also watched Napoleon Dynamite for the like 100th time. It's such a good movie. My Sis came out and hung out too. Finally a little 'dazed and confused' I walked Jeff out and hit the hay.

Saturday, I went to see Brothers Grimm with Momasita and Sissy. Good movie even though it didn't get great reviews. Afterwards, I realized Jeff had my sun glasses so I went to his house and pick them up. He had his friend over and I ended up staying. We watched Sin City and got 'dazed and confused'. ha. Well anyways Sin City was good. And I had a good time with Jeff and his buddy. Came home and hit the hay. Woke up at 8am! Was mad so I rolled over and slept some more till 10ish. A little better.

Today I am suppose to meet with my Dad and work on my Math homework. Gosh I hate math. I am so dumb dumb sometimes.

~~
B has not yet decided he gives a shit about me. I am so irritated with his repugnant attitude sometimes.

~~
So thats all that I am doing. I am so glad that Jeff is here. I love him to pieces! but anywho, I have not much else to write about here today. I should figure out what time I will be needing to put on my thinking cap. Hence my math hw. awhh gawsh. I hate it.

Blog BS

Update!
I would like to post all of my thougts.
I would like to say that I am a big fan of Becky. She was my first reader, and I think I was hers besides Chris of course. We watched each others blogs go from little unkown blogs, to blogs that get a few comments here there, to geting a handful. And along the way of getting to know her she has turned out to be a GREAT peson. I at first questioned her want for marriage, kids, and everything else. But getting to know her I think she is well aware of what she wants & is fully capable. And she has a great guy to do it with. I am happy for her. As we all should. Really it's no one business what her and Chris do. But I think she deserves all the happiness the world can give her, as we all do. It really disgusts me that people can be so mean and heartless. So anyone that wants to bad mouth her or really anyone else for that matter can eat my shit.
Ok, thats that. Thanks for reading.
~
A recent topic on everyone's blogs has been about blogs or blogging.

What I dont understand is why people feel the need to so rudely blast other peoples blogs, person, choices and etc. This was suppose to be a free & safe place to rant, rave, bitch, curse, explore ideas, tell stories, and other personal and non personal things. So be why so rude about it? There are of course going to be difference of opinions. But be tacful. Be respectful! I know I have not always been perfect in this area. But my 'oops' usually come after someone else made a wrong move. It doesnt make me much better. But seriously. If you cant say something respectfully and tactfully then dont say it at all.

Everyone will have there own private thoughts. BUT do you really think here in bloggerland you are really going to change someones life that is 10 states away? No! You ARE NOT. So why make an ass out of yourself? People do not so easily change. At least not in a huge way. The only thing you will succeed in doing is angering them and making an ass out of yourself. And if you have something that you really feel is an important 'negative' issue that you feel you need to address to another blogger, request to EMAIL them in prviate so that everyone else that comes to that particular comment section doesnt see your bull shit opinion. That at least makes you look respectful and gives others an oppertunity to form there own opinion (or non at all) of whatever. 1st it is WRONG to bash people, and it makes it even worse when you do so for EVERYONE to read.

This is a place that we should be able to put our guards down and be our beautiful selves. So just CHILL and be nice. This isnt a place to make enemies. This is a place to read, learn, converse, and most importantly enjoy. And people that cross the line and blast other people are not the people that I think any of us came here to read about, learn from, and get to know.


a dedication goes to my twitterpated friend.

Close a door, a window appears

Todat I said goodbye to someone that was dear to my heart. It's hard and yet easy at the same time. People come and then people go. It's just hard fact of life, that I have been trying to work around to prevent. But it happens. There is no way to prevent these things, there is no way to work around them. It just happens. It has to happen bc then other good things that are to come will not. A door closes and then a window appears. Another window of oppertunity. Aint life grand?

At this moment, I am at some type of peace. I am sure that will change bc it always does. I will be angry, regretful, sad and all those other things. But all I can do is ride this one out and start over.

~~

I also cleaned out my e-mail today. I tend to let it stack up. I think this is a way to make me feel less lonely or something strange like that. I remember the last time I did this I was kind of disapointed everytime I opened my emial and to see that it was completely empty. I have folders for a lot of my things. Thing that normally people would delete but I just file away. I have enough memory, wy not? I have a total of 1934 filed e-mails. That not including the sent, trash and whatever other folders. That is alot isnt it?

~~

Anyways, Jeff is here from Cali so he is taking me out for a special treat. Dinner, dessert, and a movie. Love him to death. Couldnt be a better time.

Hope all have a good weekend!

I feel as though I have less and less to write about

Or maybe my want to write is less and less.

Anyways. I have not been as active on my blog. Why? I don't know. I am not so overly busy all of sudden. I still sit at work bored out of little mind. I have started to read books again, not just others blogs, ha. But school has defiantly taken over. Its a constant thing in my head. I do like having the extra responsibility. My Soc/Psych class is my favorite so far. Good thing I want that part of my career focus. Psychiatric nurse practioner.

The focus of the class is how people act on there own and with in a social group. Today we went over how people are effected my their social group. The larger the group the bigger of a impact and what's that fing word!?! Damn it I cant remember it again! GEEZE! ....IT"S INFLUENCE, well anyways, the bigger the group the more greatly the single person will be INFLUENCED & conform to the groups ideals. Seems basic right? But it's important. How people act on there own VS how they act with in a group is sooo different.

Even people that try and 'rebel' against the mainstream ideals & fads and etc will end up joining sub groups that share the same morals, values, & lifestyle. Well, once settled in this sub group most start to become competitive with each other on who is the most rebellious. And again the cycle repeats itself. People will stretch to be the biggest and baddest and will lose why they joined the sub group in the first place and then yet another sub group is formed. It's always about rebelling and stretching the lifestyle to be the most unique.

Just like for an example the emo kids VS punks or metal heads. My little brother was all punk rock. Then all of sudden punk rock wasn't original anymore and punk 'sold out' according to him. So then he followed his social group and is now into heavy metal. Not like hard core, he looks fairly normal. But he claims metal. Well the metal and punk kids generally don't like each other. And now a new music scene is exploding -Emo. I'm not so sure what it is so much as the look where boys wear make up, thick black glasses w/o the need for them, and weird back hair w/ cuts where the the front of the hair is long and in the face and then the back is short.

Well metal and punk are similar and they don't like each other and now that emo is the new gig -everyone that is not emo hates emo kids. These kids generally like my little brother didn't feel they fit into the preppie or jock stereo type and so started off rebelling with being punk. That became so popular now with our culture that he has moved into metal. And now a different 'rebel' sub group is started and there is even competition over who is the biggest bad ass among the different groups.

Not only is there competition with in the sub groups as to who is more 'punk', with the most knowledge of underground music, who skates, whose hair is better or whatever. Same goes with 'metal' -who can head bang the best or mosh, and then 'Emo' who has the best decked out look with hair, glasses, and black eyeliner. But also the competition starts to thrive with these other sub groups whose 'scene' is better or badder.

Make sense? Am I doing Ok explaining?

Well anyways this class we are going to look at these type of things; the individual and the group.

I think this will be good for me. I too rebelled and had this whole get up with alternative hair, clothes, & attitude. Well for some reason around the age of 16 something about the way things socially didn't really appeal to me anymore bc we were just like the original group that I was trying to not be in - in the first place. And since then I have just been 'Rachael' and not stereo type myself into anything and just do things that feel good and comfy to me.

I have a hard time understanding people now bc I don't get why people are such in a craze to fit in, compete with one another, and these social conformities.

And it goes way beyond the just the music scene. I see this everywhere. If you don't follow the masses or the hurd you usually run into social conflicts.

I never got it. And always had my own opinion that eventually caused me some grief. People don't 'agree to disagree' very often and there is always some issue.

So anyways that is my class. Maybe a bit overexplained for you readers, but agh well.

If you are still reading at this point know that I may just go off like that again later down the road.

~~

About other things. Right now I feel kinda shitty. I am at some cross roads. Aren't I always? I wish god had a telephone and I could just buzz him and ask for advise. I like to hear opinions bc I think that maybe I will gain some knowledge and I am looking for some type of answer. Hopefully it will come to me soon.

~~

Other news....
I have none that I can think of.

So till I do; I hope all is well.

First day of school

Last night I was so anxious I couldn't sleep. I didnt fall asleep till after 3am and then woke up at 7. 4 hours of sleep. I am sitting next to the guy I knew from middle school in my CIS class. He seems cool, kinda hot.

I am at work right now. My boss said I could leave early. I feel like crap. I am so tired. Really am. And I feel so would up. I feel shaky kinda.

But anyways, school was good. I like my teachers so far (its the first day) and the subject matter seems good and it will keep me interested.

My Psych 253 class is really small bc it's higher level, but that is OK bc sometimes I can be totally social and then sometimes I want to blend in to the wall.

My Dad is going to pay for my BOOKS! I spent almost $400 on books alone. Thats a lot of money for me to fork over so I am just so happy that I got cut some slack there. Thanks Dad!

So I cant wait to get out of here.

Hope all is well with everyone!

What a day its going to be

I have stuffed myself on cookies. Yummy!

I have to go to tempe tonight an help Yazi move. I am not excited for this, however no one else is available last min to help her get her bed in her new casa. oiy oiy. Last night was a all nighter, and again tonight for a bit! What are friends for? This esact thing!

I am so not ready for school tomorrow! Damn it. It's my fault though!

If I get home in time I will post more.

Hello! Hello!

It's been a bit since I last posted. Don't have much to report.

This weekend has FLOWN bye!

But I guess that is a good thing right?

Friday night I came home, finished my book and then proceeded to pass the F out. I slept in kind of on Saturday, but not late enough unfortunately. Then I searched for text books online and went shopping.

I love Target, but I hate shopping.

Just got girly bathroom stuff and then scoped out some cheap clothes.
Back to school shopping. However, I still need a back pack and am going to Robinson's to get some more clothes today.

Hopefully.

Back to my weekend, after shopping went and had din din with G-ma. Spent more than I would like. I have one of those cheap families that we all pitch in and pay for own meals. No one picks up the tab. Later after that I helped Yaz put together some of her Ikea furniture.

That was somewhat amusing. Sometimes confusing but we got a 3 drawer night stand put together. Very cool for us. I didn't get home till 5am though! But we started late. Woke up 5 hours later to some coffee and have been cleaning the house. Moms boy is coming bye with a very nice dishwasher to replace the one we had. The one we had was nice, but this one is nicer. So I guess we will sell the old one or give it to someone? Not sure. But anywho I've been cleaning and such for the most part. I wonder if I will actually make it to Robinson's but we will see. Need new bras and panties. :)

Oh, B and I got into a squabble on Fri. We will see how long that lasts. I am not overly worried about it bc I have so much on my mind with school and such. Also I think it will blow over. Also, I got a nice lil surprise for him. :)

Wish I had more to say. But I don't.

Hope everyone is having a good weekend. They are never quite long enough.

I am stuffed

on sushi.
But it was YUMMY!

AZ's Price For Gas

AZ Phx Metro Average
Reg/Unleaded
$2.546

Mid
$2.655

Premium
$2.808

Highest Recorded Price:
Regular Unl. $2.546 8/18/2005

What's your states?
http://www.gaspricewatch.com/new/
Or google
'(state name) gas price' and see what you find...

Can anyone explain to me why Bravenet Taffic exchange page always pops up when I visit certain blogs?

Anyways, I was on time with bringing food to work, however the guys that would be eating it were early of course. So there were a few in there when I was putting everything out on the table. I feel like a caterer.
Anyways, when I arrived the guy mentioned that this place delivers. In my head I just thought Yes thanks, I didnt know that, but they wouldnt be able to deliver it till 8:15, the meeting starts at 8, so would that have worked for you? No. But instead I just bit my tongue and was quiet and didnt say anything at all.

I made awesome stir fry yesterday with Tofu. It was awesome. Also bought a wok to cook it in. The wok was cool, but not what I expected. You have to 'season' it and then not wash it with soap ever again otherwise you will have to 'season' the thing AGAIN. Seasoning is is boiling and cooking water & oil way TO long. Sis 'seansoned' the wok and I just cooked the veggies. We thought the wok would cook the tofu better than the a normal pan but NOPE. A frying pan is way better for that. So now I have a wok but not entirely impressed on how it works. Also learned that onions need to be cooked before all the other veggies. Oh man for some reason stir fry will hit my belly like a ton of bricks. agh. Its the most uncomfortable feeling ever. But it's nice when you are hungry. It' also just so yummy you cant stop.

Anyways, I suppose my dinner is not the most exciting thing ever.

I think I will post later. Gotta go.

It's inching it's way to full blow reality
I am becoming more aware of how niave I can be
This is not poem, just my random thoughts
I have fallen from reality and I am still crashing through all these crazy times that makes no more sense then this post.
This time I must be strong and on my own
I am just trying to figure out where this windy road goes
But sometimes it's not where it goes, its more about what happens on the way there
Who will I be when I get to where I want; I have no idea.
And really I cant arrive anywhere bc I dont know where my desired destination would be
I am about to embark on a whole new world. I wanted a hand but I guess I will have to just accpet my own
I like this random writing. It's makes no sense but it's me
I know what I am capable of, and now I just need to get it done
Life is confusing. Especially right now.
It's hard to not look back and wonder where I went wrong
But really I should not focus on that bc the past is just that.
People come and go.
I am trying to remember what my first real black friend once told me... it seemed so profound and yet so simple. Regina I hope you are happy out there somewhere.
Perception is not fact. And that is what most of life is.
I feel so shallow and simple. Why can this not be so easy for me to figure out.
I need to get better at following through.
Just a little over a year ago I was trying to leave the country
and look at me now
Have I really changed the much since then? Sometimes yes and sometimes no.
I gotta go to sleep now. I have to go bend over for the man. Not really. But I have to work and get someones food order in the morning that is almost half the of what I make in a week.
Isnt that sad? I am two breakfasts and a tip for these guys.
I am tired. Nighty night.

Open mouth, insert foot

I am a bit embarresed at the moment. Not sure how to redeem myself.

At work I am still new and still getting the hang of all this.

But I guess I opened my mouth about couple of things that I shouldn't have. I should have known better but I didnt.

Someone gave me the scoop today on my 'oops'. I feel dumb. Oh gosh.

I have to pick up food tomorrow morning for the one the guy that would have been a bit hmm what's the word...bothered by my 'oops'. Me being me would like to say sorry that I messed up but that probably wouldnt be professional. So fuck me. I am not going to ever open my mouth again and talk to only my boss. I thought everyone was close friends. But there seems to be more to the story.

I still have some learning to do. I feel like this terrible trouble maker.

I have no idea where this post is going to go.

Sometimes I get bored and don't have anything to do so I write.

I am constantly conflicted about some things in my life. I never know which way to go with something. I end up racking my brain and never making a desicion and kinda wait for life to slide the situation in another direction. This is only with a few things. Not everything. Typically I am a head strong person and I don't have much question, but then out of now where I will be stumped it. It sucks.

I am stumped if you couldnt tell.

~~~

I am trying to not get full blown sick, I am tired and would like to go home and sleep. School starts Monday and I have not gotten any school supplies or my books. The school said they mail my check to me to collect and deposit. So I will have that money soon.

I am also getting paid a lot for working full time partially last week and this entire week. Although the thing that sucks is that it's only Tuesday and I want to go home and to have the week be over so bad. It feels like someone punched me in the face. That's how bad my pressure is. Although I just sneezed and it sort of relieved it Let's hope for good.

I am nervous about school. How could I not be? I have not been for over a year. I am going to be 21 with a bunch of younger people. Not that I am so old, but I barely get along with people my own age, I am dating a 33yr old, and now I am going to be around a bunch 18-19 yr olds. Sheesh. But really thats not all true. I may be with older kids too. We will have to wait and see.

~~~~

So anyways, just playing around wth font bc I am trying to change it up a bit. I like this one the best. It's no pretty. I also like New Time Roman font too. Arent I plain? Most people seem to like Comic Sans bc it's fun or real big pretty cursive like letters. Not I. I like plain, small, slightly curved tidy print. It's dainty too. To me it kind has a flair of goth or old time to me. Especially the g's, a's & the K's. OK I am a dork if I really just wrote a paragraph about font. Does that tell you how bored I am?

~~~~

B is a weirdo. I hate it how I will feel so differently about one conversation through the day. I like it, I hate him, I hate myself, I think its dumb, I think its great and how it I really just over analyze somethings.Do I sound bipolar?
anyways, only time will tell and I am really getting sick. I can feel the pressure building up, but at least I can breathe. K had this exact thing, excpet since she has asthma her body couldnt fight it. I probably wont get as sick as her. She thinks she will get out of the hosptial soon. I hope so!

~~~

My car insurance wenr down $30 a month. How cool is that?
Down to 120 for full coverage now!

~~~

Ok well that is it for now.

more verbage

Today has been ok. Just another day for the most part.

I didnt work out as long as I would have liked but at least I got ten minutes in on the treadmill.

Office politics suck. Especially when you are me and a 'know it all'. But I know I don't know it all, but I do know a thing or two and would like some people to know.. ;)

B buzzed me a bit ago. Normal yappy yapppy conversation along with yada yada. 30 min later we then we started to talk about more sensetive topics.

The conversation ended with me in one mind set. I chewed on some thoughts. And rang him back to share them. I know he probably gets a bit annoyed when I do that. Get somewhat bothered, we get off the phone only to call back. But sometimes I need a min to gather my thoughts before I unload them.

So that is what I did. Not so much that I got the outcome I wanted. But I got 'the' ear to unload to. And that much makes me feel better about ~me. You can't change peoples thoughts, choices, & opinions. You can only plant a seed of thought and see where it grows. It's all up to them.

We will see how my little seedling grows, if at all..

Things were left on a good note.

I have to get up early so with that my loves I will bid you a beautiful goodnight.

I owe a post

And this is my 100th entry here on blogger. Yay.

Anyways,

This weekend has flown by. Fri I got off work early and headed of to Blakes. He took me out to eat at our little romantice intalian place. It's sooo good and so perfect. Watched a movie that blew ass but had a good time. Bacically just hung out. Came home sat evening and took a nap for a half hour bf I had to be back out the door at 5:30 for a b-day party.

Got home and started to natch Nip/Tuck and zonked out on the couch.

Got up, went to the store and got breakie stuff. French toast.
Going to family dinner at some at great uncles house. Hmmm free food...

Anyways, most everything is swell. Not a whole lot goin down right now. Had a busy weekend so far. Going to work a few full days this week bc boss is still sick.
Always could use more money.

Wish I had more to say. I do but don't feel like getting into it now. Maybe later.

Hope ya'll are having a good weekend! :)

My Interview

Out of all the accomplishments in your life, what are you really most proud of to yourself; no matter now silly and little it would seem to others?
I don’t think I have one accomplishment that I would consider the ultimate at this time. There are a lot of littler milestones that make me smile. However, as of right now I think the most important goal I am working on is getting back into school to get a degree in nursing. So far, so good.

If you could make your own man, what would he look and how would he treat you and other people?
He he he… I like tall guys, with dark longish hair (something I can touch bc I love to!) and light eyes (preferably green). I like a strong build, but with out a lot of big muscle (not into football players). No six packs, I like a slight curve. Nice skin, don’t care about complexion color so much... Oh not into guys that are picky and wear brand name clothing all the time, I like people that are comfortable with themselves no matter what they are wearing. I like the 5 o’clock shadow on a fresh smelling guy. Hmm…
Personality wise I would like someone that knew how to break the rules & have fun but are also responsible. Deep people who can think outside the box are a must.I don’t really want to say I would like to be treated like princess, but on occasion it would be nice. I would like a relationship to be a bit of a challenge so I don’t get bored, but not strenuous. Know what I mean?I like guys that can be laid back, loud ond crazy, and always treat others with repect.

If you could have a super power, what would it be?
I have always like Rogue’s powers, or to fly. Haven’t really thought about it.

Who is your favorite person, in the world and why?
I am a Momma’s girl. I know I bitch about her, but when you are close to people it’s hard not too. My Momma is beautiful, strong, and so very intelligent. We are a lot alike. ;)

Who is your least favorite person, and why?
Ewww, hmm that is a hard one. I don’t really think about that in terms of who do I hate the most.

If you could change anything about your life what would it be and why?
Living in a HUGE house, but with my family. That way we can still be close but far enough away. Maybe fix a few issues that B and I have at the moment

Do you have any pets?
Oh gawd. I have ton of pets. When I lived at my Dad’s I had two dogs that I still love to death. Poco & Chili. Both of them are a bit old and will not be around much longer but they are my boys.

Chili is a Golden Retriever. His little face is turning grey with age, but he is to so sweet and so cute. He’s a bit over weight. We always tried to put him on a diet but he will even eat his own poop instead of being hungry so I think after 10+ yrs we gave up. He’s just slightly pudgy. Not obese or anything. Chili is really just so cute though. He will just stare out you with the softest eyes and he’s so gentle and he loves to sniff faces, hair, and heads.

Poco is a bit more dominant and likes a lot of attention. He can get jealous and def let’s you know about it. He has a lot of personality and is always making noises to go along with his mood. He’s deaf now and has lumps in a few places so he looks pretty funny. He is a total mutt and is so ugly he is cute. He can be a bit territorial but he is well loved by the family.

Poco’s and Chili live at Dads still where they are ‘retired’, but even though they aren’t as quick as they used to be they still have a ton of spunk.

At my Mom’s we have cats. I am not a big cat person as I like dogs but that’s ok. I really just love animals.

A while back my old friend Jen and I (she is on my pic page, last pic, w/ green sweater on) went to this old friends house that we knew was pregnant. Her boyfriend and roommates were on bad drugs so went to see if we could at least get her out of the house for a bit. We knew she was home but she just ignored our knocks.

These people had a ton of cats around the house that weren’t fixed and they just kept on having litters of kittens. We while we were knocking there were 2 lil baby kitties all curled up in an empty, dirty, food bowl. It was in the summer time so it was fairly hot out. Jen and I ea grabbed a kitten and took them home. I am an animal lover and couldn’t stand to see the lil babies not be taken care of. I wish I could have helped all of them though. So Jen took the black one, I took the white fluffy one and and that is the story of Teddy. He is our Himalayan.

Mom wasn’t so happy when I first brought him home but they are now best buds. Ted loves Mom. Mom loves Ted.

This was over 4 yrs ago so now Ted is grown up and has long forgotten my good dead. He’s a little stuck up. But he is very cute though, and when he was a baby he eyes were crossed, he kinda grew out of it, but when he is tired or feeling extra spunky his eyes still cross. I think it was bc he was in a house full of drugs as a kitten, but who knows. But I saved his little porky life. Jens cat ended up taking up with her neighbor, an elderly lady that needed a friend.

Lastly, Blake’s dog. He isn’t really mine, but he would be if I had my way. His name: Rick James, as in “I’m Rick James bitch!” He’s a boxer mix. Mostly boxer, he is in my pics too. Not the best pic though. He’s a bit of a special needs dog but oh so loving and cute. He just adores me. I just adore him. He can’t be let outside on his own or he’ll take off. He has bad anxiety but it’s he's so well worth it. Everyone that meets him including all my friends and family just LOVE him. But him and I have something special; we have a connection ;)

Blake just recently go him a sister. Macey. I forget what kind of she is but she is HUGE, all while and fluffy.

Where did you grow up?
Chandler & Scottsdale Az!

If you become famous one day, what do you think would make you famous?
Oh I have no idea…

And most importantly what would you do with your three wishes, and no wishing for more wishes!? 1. 1. more money
2. peace and love everywhere, especially for me
3. happiness for all, especially for me
;)

At work early

At like 8:45 I got a call from Peter asking me to come it. Katie was sick. So I got here at 10 instead of the normal 12. An extra few bucks, YAY. But the thing that sucks is that I am bored and will have nothing to do. I think I might go work out for a bit. C ya in a few.

Isnt my job great? Just get up and go work out? I have to take the cordless with me though...

It's late and I am up

I went to Ikea with Yasmin tonight. She got a cool new bed set picked out. Ikea wasn't so bad this time around. Last time I went there it on a weekend it was packed! Oh my word I will never go to Ikea during the day. People are hurded around like cattle & have to walk shoulder to shoulder. It's horrible. But this time was not bad. Not so many people. But tyou are fucked if you want to find a bathroom or the exit for that matter.

Yaz and I also rented Garden State tonight. It was really good. I love Natalie Portman. She is just so cool.

At the end of the movie Natalie Portman and the main guy are sitting on some stairs. The guy is telling N.P. he has to go back to his home (in a dif state) for a bit to get his head straightened out & to get into some counseling. He had some issues through out the movie. It's kind of an intense moment bc she's crying saying don't go and he is telling he has to but that he will call when he gets there and tring to reassure he that he loves her, everything is going to be fine, and that he will be back soon. He gets up and leaves. She cries.

This seen reminded me of B and I. Except B isnt going to counseling. He thinks that he can fix himself or get things straight on his own. I don't know if he does. Sometimes it takes a while bf everything goes back normal. I wonder if someday they just won't. Like now. I tend to think that they will. But I could be wrong. And the odds are that one day, whether it be today or some later time that things wont go back to 'normal' and I will be wrong. I've seen him do this a few times out the 15-16 mos I have been with him. When things are good they are sky high and nothing could ever be better, but then there are these lows that are kinda really low. But I love him.

I really do think that it's not so simple like some people like to chop it up to be. People can be fucked up and complicated. But everyone is welcomed to there opinions and some even share them with me. I try to not let it get in my head. Normally it doesn't. But sometimes I am a bit offended bc no one knows anything to make these judjements and form these negative opinions. I dont really talk about my personal shit (anymore) with that many people. So people that know me just come up with their own theories. I don't bother arguing or standing up for him or our relationship. I don't think I should have to in the first place. It's their opinion. And I think that for the most part I am secure enough to let you or whoever think what they want bc in the end it only it's only someones insignificant little opinion that knows nothing. This whole thing really only effects one person and that is me. And when it gets to the point that I can't hang then peace out dude.

But preferably I would like to be left alone and to not hear some peoples negative crap bc they don't know. I think I am a big girl and if I am making a mistake then it's obviously a lesson worth learning.

But at the end of the movie the guy changes his mind and finds her in a phone booth crying somewhere in the Airport. Takes her and makes everything better.
I wish my happy ending would hurry up... maybe I wont get one.

Another thought I had. I was driving home from Ikea, taveling on one of the biggest freeways here that you can see a major part of the city from. Even here in Phoenix Az there are so many people out there. If you got to meet everyone in your metropolitan area how many times would have a strong liking or love for someone? Probably a more than you think. In my opinion everyone is very much capable and probably would cheat or be unfaithful given the right oppertunity. It's only matter of circumstance that you meet the temptation that causes you to fail that first person. That's why I think so many affairs happen with people that work together. It was a matter of chance that you got put in the same office with this person and they are actually interested in you too. Where else would we meet people? Besides bar and through other friends?

Well anyways I am going to close that morbid thought.

I think tonight I might be losing a bit of faith that I had yesterday in regards to B. This happens. I'll be hopefull and then I'll be less... It just kind of works out that way.

good night

Well I just worked out and feel GREAT!

I only worked out for 25-30min but WOW what a difference. I started off the treadmill with 3lbs weights in hand, then jumped on the weight thing that you can excersize your arms and legs, I did 10-15 reps with my arms at 40lbs. Next I beat the shit out of the punching bag. I was quite impressed with this bc the last time I remember going at a punching bag I barely moved the SOB. But this time it was swinging with my blows. I even had to stop it from moving and then I'd start wailing on it agian. And then to finish off I jumped back on the tread mill and sprinted uphill for another ten min.

Maybe I should have persued boxing? ;)

My right arm is sore BUT WOWWIE I feel good. I dont want to be thin bc I dont think I will look good that way. I like my curves but I need to lose the extra pundage that's hanging out right now.

Will update in a bit bc I gotta do make din din...

Feeling a bit lonely today....

The day started off well and now.. well I feel kinda alone now.

Don't have any plans excpet that I am going to work out tonight in a bit. There is gym here. So yeah feeling a lil fat so gotta fix that.

Yazi came and brought me lunch today. Very nice of her. She brought Israeli food from our fav restraunt -yum yum.

I got nothing planned for the wkend. I still have my go-cart tix and thinking that I may invite a friend to go ride them with me.

Also Cold Stone Creamery Corp office is close to work and they have a free store inside that whoever knows about it can go in and order free ice cream. Cool huh? Our people are friends with their people. So maybe I will do that too, but that would go against my new plan of eating right and getting back in shape.

Anyways...in other news....
egh, I have no other news.

So till I have somethign to talk about ta ta

I'm bored!

Tuesday ~added update~

Almost forgot:
~The update~
As I last posted I was a bit peeved at B. I think I had reason. But as of now everything is fine though, at least as far as I can see and tell. We are talking and getting along fine. I also just realized that B has & has had a lot on his plate, so I am trying to back off and let him deal with everything.
~~~~~

I woke up completely out of it today. It was very odd for me.

I rolled out of bed, ate some left overs and started to get ready for work. I dragged ass and was almost late.

I feel totally unlike myself today. Even putting on make up was a challenge and took it off more than once bf giving up on it. It could be bc of the new hair do but today my face just looked totally different and I wasnt liking it. I even had a hard time with my lashes.

Also I feel like I have put on some weight int the last few days. I hate it very much. I have been eating a bit more lately. I dont want to be overweght. Could it be the time of the month? I dont know, I have a hard time reconizing those sort of things bc I havent been regular bc of PCOS. I have no idea. But I know that I am going to take walk/jog around the neighborhood. I am also going to try & think of healthy meals to eat more of that I actually like. I am big into tofu right now. So I might go buy some of that and cook it and eat it with veggies. I wont add noodles bc they are more fat that I dont need. Oh fuck... its taco day... I will still jog and just wont over stuff my self in the mean time. I could totally be over reacting which I probably am....but I dont feel good in my clothes this past week....

I went out to the dubliner last night w/ Yazi. It was fun. I don't think I really fit in there or this area. I would like to move back to scottsdale. I miss my hometown. I love my house so if I could just move it with everyone in it, I would be happy!

I think I am at one of those places in life that I just dont know where I am going to be in the near future. I just have no clue. Nothing seems very solid to me and I feel like if I had an oppertunity to move I would totally do it -if I could...

Today is going to be a boring day here in the office. I already know. The mail is already done and I will sit here trying to find something good to read on the net for another 4 hours bc I left my book at home.

Another rainy day

here in Az.

I don't have much to post about bc I am boring....

hmmm.......?

Here's some news that just came in...

Iran resumes nuclear work; the West scrambles
International Atomic Energy Agency to hold an emergency meeting Tuesday - a step closer toward a showdown at UN.

http://www.csmonitor.com/2005/0809/p02s01-wogi.html


8/8/05-New York
Peter Jennings Dies At 67

http://www.kltv.com/Global/story.asp?S=3695870

90's & other tid bits about me

I am not going to write posts in blogger anymore. It’s such a frustration to write and then have the net to go down (like today) or to have blogger eat it.

Anyways, I will try and recreate my post that was lost.

We made breakkie for the fam-damily today . I make the best eggs. Hmm yummy. They were delish.

While me and my Sis were cooking I put on the 90's cable music. I love the 90's. It was my time. I was born in the early 80's but they just didnt have the same impact on me...

It’s the music from the 90's that can take me back to times, memories, and experiences that for the most part lay forgotten deep in my mind. It was a time when I was getting to know myself and the world around me. I def think that the 90's were more interesting as far as culture and ‘the seen’ is concered then today. It was also the peak of my radical self. I seemed to have had so many more thoughts, ideas, and theories at that time. And cool memories. I think I am boring now. Or at least I feel boring....I guess I can't be that bad in my 20's. But, I seemed to have gotten wrapped up in the ‘real world’ and parts of me that were radical and creative died. I lost my edge? I used to write (I thought good) poetry and now when I try I seem unable to. Maybe I am more jaded? It holds me back? Ahh I don’t know. But I love the 90's. And I don't think VH1's ‘I love 90's’ special does it all the justice it deserves.

~~~~

Like I said earlier I got my hair done yesterday. I love it. It’s creative and kinda original. I have a vibrant but dark merlot/wine color with blond highlights that are a bit chunky. It’s slightly alternative, pretty, & girly...it’s perfect for me. Maybe a tad bit of punk to it w/o looking like a trouble maker. Its just goes well. I will try and post a pic bf it fades and becomes more average looking.

~~~~

Also I wish that I could customize my blog. The colors here are not very 'Rachael' bc I am not a very 'pink' girl. But the template choices on here dont match me very well either. I tried to change the pinks on this one to a deep red and half the pinks changed and half of them didnt. I must not have found all of the color codes and changed them. I gave up on it.

~~~~

I forgot the other topics I was going to write about. That’s ok though. I think I want to do something artsy today.
Well anywho, maybe I will write more later.
Ta ta

Up Late

Tomorrow I am going to get my hair done. I am very excited about this.

Also I am going to get my oil changed. How fun? I am 200 miles over. Not so bad eh?

Just watched a show picking apart the pros & cons of police chases. They had quite a few cases were the chase killed innocent people. And then at the end they had a case where a police officer was not aloud to chase a suspect and that 'suspect' later sexually assulted and killed a young girl. Makes you think.

However, I have to agree that if there are quite a few people in the area then high speed chases should not occur. Especially with the technology we have today, and with the use of air patrol we really do not need 10 cop cars chasing one guy. Just my opinion though.

Today I saw B, went very well except he kinda bothered me this (fri) afternoon and so I just left. I simply avioded eye contact and conversation & just got my stuff and left. Didn't say anything to him besides when he asked why I had a bit of a 'tude'. I told him I didnt like to be a treated a certain way and continued to walk out the door. I heard the front door close behind me as I got close to my car. I didnt look back, and I didnt even have much a "'tude". I didnt do anything besides leave.

I think that may have surprised him. I didnt provoke a fight, didnt stomp out, and I didnt try and fix the issue. I just left. I may not be on his list of fav people right now, but I guess I have no patience anymore or any desire to fight about shit. If there is something I don't like I am just going to distance myself from it. It's simple, right?

I can see now that I am a really good thing that he has and if he wants to throw it away & ruin it then fine. I wont argue and try to change the situation. Maybe he should date other people and see if he can do better. If he can then I know I definitely can too. Not sure if we are actually fighting. I guess I will find out sooner or later.

Nothing else to really say at this point. I think I am going to drop one of the classes I enrolled for. My financial aid only requires 9 credit hours. I am taking 12. I will be better money wise if I take 9. So thats what I am thinking about that...

I have decided I am very much against booty calls & friends w/ benies. I dont want to ever be in a situation that I feel like a booty call. I saw someone close to me struggle with a booty situation and it makes me sick. Really did.

Also I am not going to add text to my phone. If I have something to say to someone I will call them. Otherwise, I can recv but can not send. I like it that way. In a way it's such a cop out. Its an direct way to indirectly contact someone. It's crap.

Ok well that's all she wrote.

Nighty night.

Oh yeah, I had 130 hits yesterday?

Where are all these people?

So you found me...

I thought I buried myself pretty well. I guess it was going to happen sooner or later that I linked Yaz and had her not link to me. Hope everything is enjoyable or at least interesting. Kinda embarressing when somone has access to all of your personal shit. Well anyway hi jbizzle, hope you keep this to yourself.

Today I am bored out of my mind at work. People would think I am lucky to sit around and surf the net all day, but really thats all I do. Ok ok, Katie and I shoot the shit for a bit, we do the mailed funding and make spread sheets and then I feed the fish. The phone rings maybe 1-4x an hour. People come in every once in a while ask me to stanp something with the stamp machine and thats it. So I get bored.

One of the guys I work with flies in from NY every week and I think hes weird. I have the deposit slips and whenever he needs one he always came up behind me and reached over me or whatever (he got 2 close) to grab one. I would think he would say excuse me & wait for me to move, but no. He just reaches in the desk to grab em and gets so close I can hear him breathe. This happens everyday or sometimes a couple of times a day. One time I told him to take some with him so he wouldnt have to walk up here everyday and that got ignored. So after he did that yesterday I rearranged the desk & moved them to the side of desk where he grab all he wants and he isnt in my bubble. He is a perv. It's not the only thing that he has demonstrated he weirdness. But he's backed off after I made it clear I was uncomfortable w/ him talking about boobs with me.

So tonight I am going to ride the fast go carts with B. I think it will be a good time. Not really taking things seriously. Although he is calling me more often now and spends more time on the phone with me. Last night we gabbed for over an hour. It's cool that even after all this time we can still just shoot the shit for that long w/o getting bored or talking about serious crap.

After this semester I will be done with all of my SB credits. Kinda excited. Found out that also I only need 2 math classes for my major. Very cool as that I am a math retard.

Well besides that I dont have much going on today.....

Still bored and want to eat junk food. I am trying to contain myself as the kitchen here is stocked and I could munch all day for free.

Maybe I will write more later.

My Magical Moment in the Rain

My older sister and I went out and really played in the rain last night. I've never done it like that before. It was so much fun. I think it is going to be a moment I remember forever.

Sweeten (my Sis) went out to get Mom's car windows rolled up. Mom and I stayed on the porch to watch it come down. It was coming down very hard for Az standards that we had to watch. Sweeten just being in the rain for a few seconds comes back completely drenched. As she sprinted back to the porch she was hopping around and it totally inspired me run full fledge out there in the windy wetness. She followed. Even Mom came out for a min or two before she got cold and sat on the front porch in her robe and watched.

We splashed around in the puddles, ran down the street, danced under the street lamps, and we even threw our heads back and let our mouths gape open. It was such a moment. We were like little kids out there. It felt so good to let the rain spray my face and soak my long hair. I can only imagine how silly we looked to the few cars that drove by with our hair plastered to sides of our heads, shirts clinging to our bodies and just dancing around like idiots. But we didn't care one bit. We were probably out there for a good 20-30min just laughing, splashing, & swinging our arms around; and it continued to rain and rain and rain. It poured for a good hour or two. It was such a pure and innocent moment. I'll remember it forever.

Courtesy

When someone makes possible plans with you isn't it common courtesy to make a call and cancel them or to postpone them?

I think yes and today I was mildly blown off. It feels kinda shitty.

I keep on telling myself it's not that big of a deal. But I am obviously bothered by it or I wouldnt think about it. So here I am now blogging about it. I am not devastated.

Perhaps I am looking for a reason to be upset or to throw a fit. I dont know. I was looking forward to it. So it's a disapointment. I heard the 'maybe' when the conversation was taking place and so why not let me know that it's 'maybe not going to happen today'?

Which 'maybe' anything I usually deem as BS in the first place...

In most ways I think I am a respectful person. So I have this expectation for other people. When someone calls and I dont answer - I call them back. If possible plans are made, I make a point to cancel them in a respectful fashion if something happened and I can not keep my word. If I have something unpleasant to say I try to be nice about it. Now, that last part may not always happen, but at least I can say I try.

In the end I think that people that don't reach out and do this are kinda rude. I think it careless & disrespectful of them. It's a simple phone call. It's not hard. So just fucking do it.

But yes, I was blown off, sort of.

And how does one go about pointing this out? Do I not go out with them next time an offer is extended? Do I just point blank say that I didnt like that? Do I go as far to tell them that since I am not important that the feeling is now mutual? I dont know. I am confusd. I start to think that if they have no care for me and my time then they are not worth spending time with anyways.

So there it is bitch # 789,253

~~~~~~

On a brighter note (he he) I was at the college today and was waiting to talk to a counseler. Well I overheard this guy talking about a class I had enrolled in. Well Mr. Guy rolls over to the table I am waiting at and takes a seat. As he was walking over I noticed he was hot and then that I knew him from middle school... I had a crush on him :D

Well he immediatly starts to fill out some school form and I ask him if he went to such and such school. He says yes. And then he stares all hard at me as to figure out if he knew me. I told him the story, we talked about the teacher and then I asked him what classes he's taking. He names the class I am in. We compare time and section #'s are low and behold we are in the same CIS class. YAY! Hot boy is in MY class. We talk and then he's going to another school dept to finish enrollment.

Maybe me and hot buy will sit together! And flirt and show each other our notes*.

Wishful thinking.

oh well. it helps.

Also I would like to say that I love my Mom and that although she has been able to fork out the cash for everything my little heart desires she did tried & did a fine job doing what she could. I love her very much. I have no idea where I would be if it were not for her. Sometime she can overly frustrate me and I dont like that when i have so much going on.

~~~~~~

I have not given a B report bc I have none. He's probably an ass. But at least I know he's been busy doing projects around his house that he 'wants to finish before I come over & says I'll be amazed'. Who knows what that is...

The good news is that I am moving on in my own way. Whatever way it goes is OK. I really have no desire to see him if it really is a done deal. Dont need to confuse myself. We are suppose to get together soon but who knows? I sure dont.

Since we are techinically not together at this point I am not living as if we are together. I havent really given out my number in the 'like ~ like you' sort of way. Don't think that is possible as of yet being that I was with him for 15mos. But I did give my number to an old friend that I used to work with that found me on the net. I always thought he was cute but never really did anything with it. I would like to just go out and have a good time. Maybe flirt and get to know what that feels like again. Is that bad? I dont think so. I havent flirted in soo long. I think it would be fun and feel good.

~~~~~

Another random:

Yesterday I was at the grocery store helping my Sister jump her car. She was all upset bc she thought at the time it was her alternater that went out and how expensive it would be and blah blah she was visably upset.

Well up walks up two girls. They have a name tag on from church. At first I think they are LDS or morman.

They ask if we need help and we say 'no thx' nicel and they sit there and stare. She starts to ask me if I have a relationship with Jesus Christ. Well instead of being rude & telling them I am not interested in thier version of God or Jesus Christ I think that if I tell them I am active in my own faith that they wont bother me about theirs. Well they tell me about where thier church is and yada yada. I tell them I was raised Catholic & out of curiousity ask what religion they are. They tell me Christian.

I think Oh ok.

And then she continues to ask if she can come back to my house to talk about Jesus & Christianity.

I know my scrunched up my nose and then said "you want to come to my house?"

She looks all nervous and says 'yes'.

I am thinking that I have never heard of other Christians being so out right about these sort of things especially after claiming my own 'faith'. They want to come over? Are they serious? They must be weirdos.

So I tell them that wouldnt work but to give me a card and maybe I'll visit the church, . They give me a card and list their #'s. Other words were exchanged and then they walked off.

I am sitting there like 'what the hell?' Christians dont do that! Not here anyways!

Well Sis and I leave and go home. We are later telling my Mom the story & Sis calls them Mormans. I corrected her saying "NO NO they were Christians".

She says "really?" all curious like...

I was all "yeah they were from 'The Church Of latter Day Saints. They were Christians."

Sweeten looks at me, laughs and says "Thats LDS Rachael. They were Morman, but the correct term is LDS ie Latter Day Saints."

I say "oh......(long pause) why didnt they just say that? They called themselves Christians?!"

Everyone laughs but me.

And that's how the LDS fooled me, and how I made myself seem very ignorant.

But i thought it was funny.

OK Ta ta.

The brat is back

School has been figured out and the fee has been paid. I think I just boiled over in frustration. School is not easy when you have so much paper work to catch up on! Hope everyone will excuse the tude!

I got my schedule and it perfect times and I will get to work on time. Yay.

School & mom problems

So I overslept yesterday and I didnt make it to the college as planned. BUT I went today and guess what? I am not as big of a dumb ass as I orginally thought. I took my testing and I was bit surprised with the score I ended up with. My Eng is up to par, my math is beyond what I thought it would be. I tested into102 (which is were I should be), but I am going to take 092 bc I am very slow w/ math & I know that I could use a brush up.

Also I have always been more of a reader than a writer and for some reason my writing surpasses my reading scores. When taking the test I would have thought it was the other way around but I suppose not.

~~~~~

So my Mom has dropped the ball. I am very grateful to have her moral support and love. But I get so mad at her bc she hasnt always made the best choices for herself and these have affected the family. I didnt get along with my Father and so I lived with her for most part. We typically get along great. But when I need her help she is the last to come forward with anything. Now its school. I asked her for my B-DAY to help pay a college fee. Well guess what? Today that fee has not been paid. And she 'cant be bothered at work'. When was my B-day? December! So now since school is so close to starting I can no longer get into a Eng class. I tested well in English. I was excited to take english...but NOOOO.

Getting my Fasfa fill out was a nightmare on its own and yet again I am having to pull the weight of a parent on my own. And if you think I am sounding like a brat then you better check yourself right now. I have paid for everything on my own for the most part since I was 16. 2 days after my 16 bday I got a job and have worked and paid for everything from cellphone, clothes, cars, insurance, rent and whatever on my own. Granted I didnt pay rent at 16, but at 19 I did.

Very rarely will my parents jump in and pay for anything. My Dad will every so often, maybe like 1x-2x a year. My Mom? She has never been able to. When she divorced my Dad that was probably the worst financial choice she ever made. But perhaps maybe the best choice she made for herself. The consequence of this is we have always been just barely been OK. Had she just stuck to what she went to school for and worked like any other Mother would we would have been better off. But my Mom has always wanted the 'sexy business woman' postions. And so it was her always making some risky career move that would force us to make so many sacrafices.

Out of all my siblings that resented her for this I always stood by her and had the attitude 'as long as you are happy' but now I am angry. I want to go to school. I know parents that beg their kids to go and offer to pay for all of it and yad yada. The only financial burden this had on her was a WHOPPING $160.00 fee that I asked her to pay for my B-DAY for fucks sake and she still managed to make this harder on me than it needed to be.

I am so fed up with this crap. I have made so mmay changes in my life for school that if I get fucked out this bc of her I will be livid. LIVID. It was never my duty to be my own parent...and people wonder why I am so bossy and a know it all. Well I would think this is partly due bc I was left to figure shit out on my own. Even this job I have, making squat diddly shit on a stick was so I could GOT TO SCHOOL. FUCK! Is it that hard? I mean do I have a right to be pissed? I dont ask for much and the little I do I am slammed for and you know what she said to me the other week? That sometimes I talk to her as if she owes me something. I asked for an example of this and she got upset and said she would point it out when it happened again. Nothing has been pointed out. Hmm I wonder if this could be her guilt of not being able to provide what she thinks she owes. Is this my problem?

Oh and I am also in the dog house bc SHE CO SIGNED on my car it dropped her credit score a bit....IS THIS MY FAULT? I'm sorry she cant get THE VERY BEST interest rate on her refi, that she'll get knocked up a few percents but that IS LIFE - right? Not everything is perfect. She should know this by now.... I would think anyways... oh and let me add she made the so sign a fucking hay day as well. And thats all she had to do to help me with the damn car.

I gotta got and deal with some fundings...
So sad how a day or even a post that stated out generally happy and is now turned to this.