4/16/04 2 AM ~My regrets~

1/14/05 2am

So I went out tonight and now I am sitting here w/ a cranberry vodka drink. My sister made me have a drink w/ her so I did and now she is passed out. But she has to work tomorrow.

Her and I went completely through http://www.postsecret.blogspot.com/ If you haven’t checked it out you really should. So that site sparked a post idea. I am going to name as many of my regrets that I can think of.

1. I wish I hadn’t told my Dad to go to hell when I was 15. I wish I knew what I know today and I think we may have been able to have a better relationship. But I was a stubborn, some what intelligent kid who just didn’t give up on her beliefs or point of views.
So the last straw was when my Dad and I got into some random fight that I don't even remember anymore. I was upset and called my Mom to come get me. I packed most of my clothes and other misc things that I might need and walked out the front door to my Mom’s car. My father was coming out after me and in the middle of my sob I said ' Go to hell, Dad!'. I think that stopped him dead in his tracks and I just got into the car was driven away.
A few weeks later the rest of my stuff was unexpectedly delivered to my Mom’s house. My room at his house was repainted and given to one of my step brothers w/o my knowing and for sure against my wishes. I never forgave him for that. He still blames it on me. That was the last time I ever stayed in his house. Now I think since I walked out on my own Father I can walk out on anybody. But I would prefer not to make any mistakes in doing so.

2. I think back to a past relationship and I wish I would have said ‘You have a small ass dick anyways! Fuck you!, fuck your money!, fuck your mom! and fuck off! you selfish asshole!’ so much sooner than over 2 ½ yrs into knowing him. It was one of the best things I ever said to my EX. I remember it like it was yesterday, I was standing outside of friends apt and I left him standing at the bottom of the stairs and said all that on my way up to her door. However, I turned around and he had followed me up the stairs, I just hadn’t noticed.
I never really talked shit like that before, I’ve called him an asshole or something lame but I never have been into talking shit just to tear someone down. But finally he pushed me to the edge that it came flying out of my mouth. That was our last fight. I should left out that he had a small penis. Oh and as far as the money thing, we had this cell phone deal together and I owed him $50 bucks. I didn’t want to give it to him after he pissed me off so bad. But, I did end up giving him his money that night -just so you know.

3. Another EX bf thing. We once got into a fight in his car, when I am really pissed I can't get words to come out of my mouth for some reason when it comes to boyfriends. So I just sit there silently stare and hate. Well since I couldn’t get any words out I spit on him instead. I wish it would have landed on his face instead of his shoulder. I think my silence is because I never want to say something that I'll want to take back. Once words are out they can never be fully taken back.

4. One last lump of EX bf regrets. This is the one fight that I take full responsibility for, and just for all the hell he put me through I wish I had kicked his car 10x harder than I did that night. Oh, and I also wish that when he punched his windshield and broke it he would have really done some damage instead of just cracking it. This would have been the best; the time he threw my purse I wish I would have picked up it and smashed it right back into his fucking head. And that’s all. Not so bad for 3 years. Actually I regret that it lasted almost 3 years.

5. I regret stealing this girl's pipe and sack when I was in HS.

6. I regret putting my Mom through stress when I was a trouble maker.

7. I regret some of the drugs I did.

8. I regret some of the guys I dated.

9. I regret not being able to always speak my mind, on some subjects I am overly cautious and sensitive to other peoples feelings. Maybe too much counseling taught me to be more selective about what and how I say things. I never want to overreact.

10. I regret not taking school seriously in the beginning.

1 1. I don’t regret, but I feel bad I hurt some girls feelings over a guy. It’s been almost a year now and we are still dating, but it hasn’t been perfect.

12. I regret being an overly honest person. I need some things for myself.

13. I regret the times I have been cold or overly casual to people when I shouldn’t have been.

14. I regret the times I shut people out when I needed them the most.

15. I regret being overly cautious in life and not taking more risks.

16. I am going to stop before I regret this post.