6/14/05 I'm in a rough mood today but here its goes

And I have my reasons why. Then I get in here today and M tries to get all bossy with me. And I am sorry but sometimes I just dont give a shit who says what. I just dont. And today is just one of those days. I dont give a F. Someday that attitude might cause me to get an ass beating but oh well. everyone getes one at one point. Maybe I was hardened by blakes blah attitude this morning.
(I dont know. But I just figured or hoped that he would be as excited as I was to be together finally. But oh well. Theres nothing i can do but just be me. And him be him and when hes ready to be close to me he will reach out and till then oh well lone ranger.)

Then i stepped on my blow dryers plug in prongs and my god the worst pain ever. It broke the skin so now i have a band aid on the bottom of my foot.

Meg kinda wants to go out, but I am sure that I'll be tired by that time. But Jen just got in town.

I am going to firm up my interview process w/ this other company. They want to pay me well so its makes even better.

I am on my diet and all is going swell with that. so hopefully i can stick w/ it and make it happen. I would like to feel better about myself. I have 2 good friends & a mom that make me feel like a fat ass. I know that i am not skinny and I never will be a bean pole bc A.) my body is not built like that and B.) I cant starve myself for that long. I've tried. I would like to start walking at night. Maybe RJ and I will take walks eventually.

Who knows. but right now I just want to my mom to complete her end of the financial aid stuff and get it submitted so that we can get it going also so that I will see how much I will get and how much I will have to fork out or take out in a loan.
This is very exciting to me. Still havent decided where I am going to go to school. thats going to be a hard one bc mom, b, and work are all in different locations and i have no clue whats is going to have happened when that time comes. So I dont know, thats just a bit confusing.

This time in my life has really reminded me that I need to rely on me and only me. So that is something that will stay w/ me for a bit and I am going to be hestitant and wondering what is the real deal. I guess I got comfortable where i was at and life just kinda threw some curve balls w a few things. So when all is straightened out i will be happier.

I saw a few important things fall right apart in front of me and as much as i tried to stop and stand up to it, it all continued to come apart and even got worse. Hard week. But now I think things are starting to come back together but that will take time so we will see.

So I just found out my diet is a joke and so I am going to start over. Maybe just a balanced diet will be good. So I going to order Pita Jungles nachos and just not eat the chips so much bc they are a health food restraunt and specialize in healthy entrees. Steve eats there so its has to be safe. the guy is a brick wall. Not so tall but I would be scrared for any guy i know against him. oh and I know you are laughing at me but hte nachos form there are black beans and all these other beans that i normally wouldnt eat and then a bit of cheese hosed down w/ tomaotes, onoins, and others yummy greens, so its really aactually healthy. Ill just eat everything but the blue chips(which are healthier than most).