Just one more bf I leave

I have one more thing to write about.

For some reason I am a very loyal person. especially to family, friends, boyfriends and all. If you are in my heart than thats where you stay through thick and thin. You'd really have to do me wrong to cast you out.

I have always thought this was a great characteristic to have. But I am starting to think twice about this. I think this might cause me more grief than if i were one of those people that could chop a person or situation up to nothing. i call it being disposable. Not very many people that are close to me are disposable. If you are near me chances are i love you and i want you near me. Perhaps my die hard attitude is not good for me though. But then another side of me makes me think thats what makes me stronger and better than anyone. Being the one to carry another and to be the one that holds on when no one else could. I dont know. Just thoughts.

Which brings me to another thought
Everyone that i know wants to be a part of this 'in' crowd. I guess its human nature to want to fit in. I dont get it, I've always marched to my own drum. For instance I dont think B realizes how in a lot of ways he had a strong lead with his friends. I saw it. other people saw it. A lot of the group looked up to him. And even when he was at odds w/ other members of the group he was even more respected bc he had his own opinions and didnt follow the hurd.

I realized after I stepped away from my own very small click that I too had a stong lead. And now that I am gone the people i left behind have started to cling to each other. from what i understand is that they hang out way more than before. I gather my info tactfully. And i dotn hate either of them. Its there own lack of smarts that brought the situation to this point and perhaps they will learn from it. and maybe somewhere down the line everyone will have respect.

All i want is peace.

....in the middle east, too :)