OK no more sleep for me :(

I am trying to put my blog back up. I started to take it down and then I was like screw that. This is mine!

So I am slowly but surely putting back all my old posts. Its kinda funny. I wont post everything I write, I'll save it as a draft and then when I go through my cycles of taking this down and putting it back up. Well when I am going back and adding my posts & I'll read something that I didnt want to post a while ago for whatever reason and then i'll be all 'fuck it, why not?'

ha ha. ah. I thought its was kinda weird funny!

Anyways,
Yazi came back early. Hung out with her all night. We went to the Grocery Store at like 230am and went shopping. Are we dorks or weirdos? It was creepy. I wouldnt recommend shopping at night. But overal it was a good times.

I figured since I blab so much about B I should give an update. But I dont have much of one. I guess you can take that for whatever its worth. I still love him but I don't know what else to say. Yasmin asked what was going on and I didn't really have an answer prepared. So I just said we are not on good terms. So where ever that leads I really have no I idea. Love is never a guarantee. I kinda thought that my love was , but its not. That just makes the pain worth the pleasure. To feel close to someone. It doesn't seem like I have a bf right now but I know I am not free to go do whatever. Or at least at this point I'm not. I wouldn't anyways.

Everyone wants to give their opinion. I don't like hearing other peoples opinion that he's cheating on me, just dump him, he shouldn't do that, or he just doesn't have the balls to dump you and yada yada. I don't like your opinions. I have my own that I am trying to manage and I don't need someone telling me bad shit. I know how my shit stinks, you aint got to tell me. I know but thanks.
I know everyone tries to help but no don't help. I'm a big girl and can get it done. I know better than anyone how bad its stinks. No need to remind. I don't say things to persway people that what I think is right. I always try to give humble advise when I do. I know what its like so I am not going to return the ugly favor. I try anyways. And don't pretend your shit is perfect bc we all know its not. Everyone has 'issues' so don't think you are all that and then some, bc I will be the first to wave around the big bull shit flag. I'm not perfect and neither are you so sit down and shut up. Everything will come together.

I kinda have this thing in my head. Some girls when they dump or get dumped will run out and hook up w/ someone they have been keeping tabs on or will just live single bc its easier than sitting at home and crying. I've done it. It doesn't work so well. You think it doesn't. But even after you 'break up' with someone I would still wait at least a few weeks to start 'chilling' w/ someone else unless the cirmumstances were like one cheated on the other or whatever. But if its a break up w/ a lot of uncertainty or emotion then I would wait to be doing your mating dance. Out of respect for that other person that you were just with and yourself too. There is plenty of time to get you groove back so no need to run out and try find it bc you will probably find regret and drunk phone calls at 12am to your ex. No need to do that. Feel what you just lost and feel out what you gained. And then try and move on.

I would be stupid to think that if B and I unfortunatly 'officially' broke up today there would be no way in hell I would be trying to get some nookie from somewhere else anytime soon. I might give out my number to some cool people but I wouldn't be so quick to get a homerun. There are plenty of time for that.
Plus if you did get back together would you want to tell your love that you fucked someone else w/I a few weeks of being free to do so?
B and I broke up for a month over 6-7mos ago and he admitted to doinking someone else. And that hurt that he ran out and did that. Bad. Makes you question your entire everything. I didn't let him know that sank my ship, but it did. But we got through it. I screwed around but nothing big. And I felt bad about that so what if I screwed that guy? How would I have felt? Not good.

Anyways gotta get in the shower to go to work. I hope I can make it through the day on my lack of sleep.