Yesterday I went to the lake (fri) and had a blast. It was just 3 of us that went but it was so much fun! One of the guys has a speed boat. I was the only girl but thats OK. I'm cool like that. We tied up the tube and had the boat pulling us on it. It was so much fun! The driver went really really really fast! I fell off 2x. The first time was fun, the 2nd time I fell off really awkwardly and face planted & body slapped the water. My chin kinda hurts today, along with my arms for trying to hold on for dear life. But it was good times overall!

Yesterday (fri) was also B's b-day. I didnt call him bc I am trying to prove to myself and (I wont lie) to him that I don't need him anymore. He couldnt make time to come get his b-day things from me. Said he was too busy getting ready to leave for his vaca to make the drive and squeeze me in. It really pissed me off. It was basically the last straw. I left him a message about that that I was mad & whatever and also that I was going to throw it away. I didn't though... I had a card and since I already sent back his real present I drew some pictures for him. (like to draw and paint) They took a while and are OK. I'll just keep them and add them to the 'blake box'.

I feel kinda bad that I didnt call, but then I don't. He didnt call me either and left today (sat) w/o a call too. I think it's a big deal that I didnt call 4 his b-day, but then again it may not be to a guy. If the table was turned I would be hurt if I were him. But that's probably the difference between guys and girls.

I don't remember when he is coming home. I he told me a while ago and I just havent asked again bc I dont want to know. Mostly bc I dont want to be like 'he's home now, why hasnt he called me!?!' Or thinking about him the day he gets home or whatever. I'll get the 'hint' after next weekend bc I know his vaca wasnt going to go over 7days. But whatever, I am weird. I don't think he will call. And if he did I have no idea what I would do or want from it. If anything. I have a week to myself knowing he is gone. It's like the best way to break up. One of the two people just leaves and cant be called, texted or e-mailed. There's no point bc they arent going to get it bc they are gone.

Breaking up is hard. Which brings me to this. Usually people don't just 'break up' and all is over. It's more of a wrap up. Breaking up doesnt really become 'official' untill some time has passed. Break ups are never just clean cuts offs that people totally stop talking. Maybe they should be. But it doesnt happen often from my experience. However though, B and I may have had an actual break up and wont talk again. Ya never never know.

I wonder what guys think when they think of recent ex gf's (if any guys want to tell me I'll be all ears). I know what I think about... good memories, bad memories, why he is wrong and an asshole, why I'll miss him, his dogs, how he will be with out me, what type of girl might end up with next, what he's doing, what he's thinking him, sex... which I shouldnt be bc thinking about that might keep me hanging. But I think about sex w/ him more than I would think girls normally would. But I do so that's me.

I'm sure everything will be fine though. Just going through the motions.

Besides that all is well. I havent really looked for a job yet. Been trying to enjoy life a bit. I will next week though. I cant live for very long w/o a job. Work sucks.

OKie dokie thats it for now.