So there it is. Such is life. Cont'd

OK so I was writing back Becky when I thought of something that I left out on my last blog...

I hate the way people judge when I disclose that I have anxiety coupled with depression.

I despise it!

I didn't ask to be this way. This is the way I came. Unfortunately so - but so it must be.

So I wanted to share with the blogger lands one encounter that I had with a person that made me fucking sick that they were sooooo misinformed/wrong about this disease/condition/whatever the F! you want to call it that I have to deal with.

Soo... where to start?..........

Last year, around this time actually, I got really sick. Bronchitis. Bad.

It started off as a cold, and then lead to bronchitis...

I went in to my Doctors office, got the good ole check up and was sent out there with antibiotics and whatever else.


Well it didn't go away. So back I went to my Doctors office... which by the way has the worst fucking waiting room I have ever ever ever been in.

You make an appointment and you can bet your ass you'll be sitting there for an extra hour. And everyone there is sick, weird looking, trashy, or just look STRANGE. Oh and the chairs are uncomfortable. And the best thing yet - the little bitches at the front desk are the rudest shit brains I have ever encountered in a "care providing" environment and they really don't give a shit if you were to foam at the mouth and drop dead.

So anyways, after this fantastical hour of complete discomfort you can see the great Doctor.

She sees me, and then she tells me I must have a viral infection and sends me packing with nothing.

OK so that's fair. There's a lot of research that Doc's over perscribe antibiotics and it only really hurts our own immunity and not the bad little bug that's making us sick.

So OK, cool whatever. I'll just go home and pop some percs and xanax (forgot to mention that too, my shrink Rx's me xanax) to get through the next few miserable days.

Well again, I never get better. I get better enough I can go to work -sort of. I go through a box a tissues like nothing, I feel like I need to take a nap every 4 hours(which I do on my desk), food doesn't seem good, my nose bleeds from time to time, my lungs hurt, I feel like I am going through menopause bc I am getting hot flashes and my body just aches!

So I go back. This is my third visit. I go through the entire waiting room debacle and finally see my Doc. She sees I am back again. But for some reason she cant "hear" my chest congestion, I'm on cold medicine so I can sort of breathe with out shooting nasty snot all over or with out sucking my nostrils shut, my cough is suppressed, and my throat isn't red and pussing, so according to her "I'm OK!" "Everything's Great!"

Ugh no. I paid to get in here, I waited to get in here, and this bitch is not going to slap me on the back and tell me "everything's fine!".

So I try to explain. No, everything is not fine.

She rebuttals....

But No i think!
So I try to reexplain, I'm sick! Words flew, descriptions were made. And finally tears flowed! I actually cried to get help after I realized nothing I said was making a difference.

Still no, she's not going to help me, and so she starts to rebuttal again...
But this time she says it must be that I am making myself sick with my anxiety and asks me if I am having a panic attack..

WAIT WHAT?
WTF???? A PANIC ATTACK?

Is she retarded? Is she this fucked in the head?

Now, I wasn't having one before this, and g*d damned I could have after that!
(but i didnt)

But really what the fuck is that??? A panic attack??? Seriously?

And it clicked. She read my file and I had disclosed to the nurse that came in first that I had a Rx to Lexapro from my shrink.
Fucking Fucking Fucking BITCH!

Needless to waste more time - I went home with no care at all, but accompanied by a totally bruised ego and enraged feelings towards her. I couldn't believe that a medical professional would treat a patient like that.

But guess what? I again I never got better. This is probably week 3 of this illness. So I go back to see that bitch, and this time I looked and sounded sick, I made sure of it. You know what I did? I didn't fucking take my cold medicine to cover up my symptoms and this time she magically heard the fucking mucus ball in my lungs. She heard the knocking rasp cough, and she could hear the snot piled up in my nose. Magically my low fever mattered!

And you want to know what I got this time?

HEAVY load of antibiotics, steroids, Rx strength cold medicine(s), inhaler AND hydromet cough syrup. Oh and in office breathing treatments.

Yup.

And YUP! Hydomet = liquid vicodin. Yum Yum, you can bet that life was shitty, but it was a lot less shitty with that.

But guess what? I didn't get better...

I went back two more times and was on a total of 3 rounds of antibiotics (some of which were 10 days Rx's) and 2 big daddy of bottles of hydromet before they put me on Tussion-X Total Suspension (sp?) which was an even heavier does of liquid hydrocodone/vicodin.

I was sick I think a for almost 3mos total. And that includes the few weeks I had to wait for them to treat me.

But to think that dumb bitch wouldn't care for me bc she stereotyped me (possibly two times) for being on anti anxiety medication?

That's wrong wrong wrong. And even more wrong that she was in the medical field. It was not like she was some ignorant hick - she was a Doctor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ok so on to some randomness:

So my annotated biblio is like 9 pages long. My paper is suppose to be 6 - WTF?

And it may reach ten bc I half assed one of my entries. But I am beat - I cant do anymore thinking tonight, my brain needs a rest.

Good night.