I am alive!

And doing OK.

I am broke as a joke but hey, it could be worse. But I am poorer than I have been in YEARS. But at least I have a job. It will get better.

I got a new job and I think this place will do me better than the last restraunt did. I will actually make money! The last place I worked at was a complete joke and I am surprised that I stayed there as long as I did. The most I ever made was $50 a shift. This new place has a different pay scale since I do more then just serve so I make a higher hourly during parts of my shift and then still get tips.

School is going well. Almost done w/ this semester. Can you believe it?
I already enrolled in my classes for next semester, except one class. Havent decided yet... thinking an online class though.

Besides that, I havent had a whole lot of free time. Been hanging w/ Blake a good amount on my free time and then fam and friends.

Still trying to find my place or my nitch in life. Dont feel very placed in it right now but I am starting to think that is normal and that everyone is feeling like that too. Or at least the people I seem to be in contact with. Somtimes it can be a little straining bc I find that people like to talk to me a lot about what they are doing, how they are trying to find themselves, and where they are and who they are. It can be a little draining bc I am too trying to figure that out myself & my life so hearing it constantly is draining like I said. So I have been a little off in my own world. I think its almost time to resurface or something of that nature.

Also this has been the most recklace year of my life as far as being stable and having a job is concerned. So much has changed. Its nuts. But at the end of the day I am still pretty much myself and have the people that I think that really matter.

So with that I think that I will end this post. More bc I have to go pee and take my afternoon nap that I have been going with out for a bit.

:)

Gosh its been a long time

And I have no excuses except that blogging was just not a priority.

Just doing school and work.

School is kinda losing my interest and its sad bc I didnt want it to. But oh well. I'm sure I'll be fine.

Work has been slow and not making enough to make my bills. I'll be fine this month but I really need to figure something out quick bc I wont be next month.
:(

Besides that I guess I have been around. Been seeing B again and its funny that i am posting tonight bc its the first time in a while that we are at odds w/ each other. It sucks and I hate it.

I reall want to get out of town for a while. Go and experience something new. I hate Arizona and I really just dont want to be here anymore. But it sucks that I took out student loans and whatever, i feel stuck. If I moved out of state then I would have to pay out of state tution and that WAY expensive. And if I moved and didnt go to school then I would have to start paying off the loan I already took out. SHEESH. I guess its not that bad. But it sucks. I'm just burnt out on AZ. I just dont find the people all that interesting anymore. Tonight was an ugly reminder of how much I hate fighting with B and how much it can hurt. Its not that I dont want him, but at the same time I dont like having my heart out on the line for him to smash whether he means to or not. Bc its happens to me and of course everyone else.

Ahhh life used to be so much more simple. I miss that sooo much.

But family is good. Thats cool. Well except my sister isnt talking to any of us right now. Thats kinda of a bummers. But I dont think I did anything wrong.

Ahh, writing all this is bothering me so i am going to stop.

I have been in a funk the last 2 days and I just dont like who I am right now.

In Class at the moment

but I am promising to write later!

I need a new job too!

Hey hey hey, it's Saturday

I've been a little busy bee past week or so. Juggling school and work takes a lot of time. Barely even see my family. I get some down time during the day between school and work, but I usually do HW and then take a nap so that I am not dragging ass and bc I am lazy.

Last weekend was not much of one bc I worked a bunch. But, I went to the casino w/ B and we saw 'Showstoppers Live!'. To wrap up that fun outing we went, the performances were good. We drank too much. B decided in a drunken stupor that he was going to blurt out random shit at the stand up comedian. The stand up then started to crack jokes about us 'needing another' cocktail and how B was going to get an earful from me 'remember that one time at the casino' type shit. I thought it was funny, the rest of the audience thought so too. But it took it's toll on B, so after a few he stood up and announced our departure. On the way out we got an applaud and then security found us in the casino and helped us to the door.

Fun times.

Then the week started. I didn't feel up to par the next day (monday).

Went through the week.

Had lunch with Yasmin on fri. And then last night I went out with some guys from work. I got off went to go get beer, and then went to the bar that I worked at and our bartender got me wasted bf I even went out with my co-workers. Fun times being that wasted. So at about 1:30 I got taken back to my car by my ride and then drunk dialed Jeff and he is in town and went to his house. I made him take me to Taco Bell and then after I ate I felt much better. I have to go into work in a few and am hoping that I was not too wasted and made an ass out of myself.

I ended up in my own bed at about 4:30a where I passed out and didnt wake up till 12:45. I am soo happy that actually slept bc I remember waking up and seeing that it was 8:45a and I knew I was in no condition to move yet. I have a habbit now of waking up way too early and it doesnt work bc I stay up soo late bc of work and being so wound up.

Heh.

Tonight I am not sure what I am going to do after work. Maybe hang out w/ Jeff or another friend. It kinda sucks bc I only have one girlfriend and I wish I had more here in Az. The few friends I have are guys, not a bad thing, but it would be nice to have some girlies around. Guys are great and less drama, but having all guys to call is not always cool.

I had some tentative plans to hang out with B tomorrow, but I don't think that is going to happen. Oh well. We will see what happens. Oh and it's going to be halloween soon! My fav holiday! I am not sure if I am going to buy a new costume or just wear the one from last year. My one from last year was soo hot! oh baby! I cant believe that its almost been a year since last halloween. So crazy. Life does fly bye!

Well here we are - Monday :(

The weekend was not much of a weekend as I had to work. But hey, at least it's somewhat amusing and it makes the time go by.

First topic:

Tipping

It is quite amazing how people differ in this area.
I don't know if people realize that tips actually are suppose to make my car payment, pay my cell phone, insurance and etc.

Some people are just CHEAP asses. TIP FOR GOSH SAKES.

I have a few horror stories and it's frustrating.

This one weird hippy looking gal comes in alone. Doesn't want anything but a soda water and to watch the game. One table I know that I wont get anything for a tip and now all the other servers get another table bf I will again. Then eventually hippy wants to order some food. First subs her sides, then asks for an extra one. No prob, I make this happen for her. Then after she is munching she wants another extra side. No prob, but this one I had to charge her for bc my manager caught me ordering it. She decides she's done, she had racked up $25 worth of food/drinks. Give her the bill. She leaves. No tip. But she did leave a note saying that she couldn't believe that she was charged an extra $2 for sides and that was where my tip went. Nevermind that I was got everything right and provided good service. Nevermind I sub'd her side, even gave her an extra one. And that still was not good enough so that she asked for a 3rd one, and this one I had to charge her. 3 sub'd sides, charged once. Does anyone see this here?

FUCK!

Party of 5 come in. Big tables can be difficult bc the amount of food, and usually people alter their orders, keeping up on drinks, getting plates out of the way, and other table maintenance etc etc. Well they seemed really cool. I brought out a bottle of wine to show them that they didn't end up getting, rushed their drink orders in within a min so they would still get 'happy hour' specials, all food comes out beautifully, everyone is very nice and joking with me. Then dessert. The dreaded dessert that dumped my tip.

After all this, their big cookie w/ ice cream comes out hard. They eat almost all of it anyways and then complain. I tell management , no charge and we will make it again. The table seem OK with this. I had to even lie to my manager bc when he saw how much they ate he got mad. I told him the rest of the cookie dessert was on their plates still (even though they really just ate it). The asst. manager makes this one and didn't put extra ice cream on it like the cooks did with the first one. I tell him this and he says 'this is how it should be and its free' so basically too bad for them, 2 free cookies. Well on this almost $100 bill that these 5 people racked up, they made me split it up on 2 cards. The guy that was giving me the most 'tude about the cookies first being hard and then w/o as much ice cream tipped NOTHING! The other guy tipped $6. After all the bending backwards w/ the drinks, the food, the up keep and even the fucking $4 dessert that they got 2 of for free $6 fucking dollars? ARE YOU SERIOUS? I wanted to tell them to just fucking LEAVE and never ever come back. Fucking assholes. UNBELIEVABLE!

I had absolutely no control over these 2 situations and yet I get the shitty end of the stick?

I know when I am wrong. People were sat in a section that wasn't 'active' ie no one there to see them or serve. They sat there w/o help and finally after some complaints from them the host asks me I will take the table. I did, but these people are already upset and that just paves the way for a bumpy ride. Here was where I was wrong: as I was bending over to talk to them my long hair went into someone's ice tea. The hair and plus being already agitated I wasn't expecting much from these people bc they just weren't good sports about it. BUT what did I do? Gave them a fresh iced tea and then didn't charge them for any of them so all they had to pay for was the actual food. And somehow still got a 17% tip out of them.

I guess the moral of the story is don't take your grip w/ management out on the waitress. And also people can be SOOO CHEAP. Oh especially old people (not to make a generalization) from my experience so far. And they LOVE to yap. My time is money honey and the longer I am at your table, the longer someone else is waiting. So if you want to yap up, umm basically cough up. When I have time to talk, no prob, but keep in mind that there is probably something else I should be doing, but I am trying to provide 'excellent' service to you.

Well I was going to cover some other things, but now I am too tired. So maybe tomorrow!

Finally intrigued to write

It's been a bit.

I have had such an interesting night.

Life or something like it.

Tonight started off by going to a bar/lounge where a fellow blogger works and meeting her. She was cool & her bar was very interesting. I would like to go back on maybe on a less busier night or at least earlier to get a good seat. Yaz and I sat at the bar and had some shooters and cocktails. There was a a guy that was sitting next to me either really wasted or really weird. He kept on asking me what time it was, like in 1o-15 min increments. Then said that he had just came from Tuscon - randomly. Made no sense to me. Then he repeatedly apologized for bothering me. Finally after being annoyed with him I kinda waved him off, literally. A couple min later he leaned in and told me I 'would never know what it was like to lose someone' and then leaned into me and said it again, and then added I 'would never know what it would be like to lose someone till I lost a brother'. I got up and left. He was tall, thin, and had bushy/wavy long dark brown hair. Kinda of hippish. Very weird. But the bar was really cool. Love to go back and not get stuck w/ a random drunk.

So Yaz and I left. We then went to a bar in another city called Casey Moores where we met photographers and camera men from a local news channel here in Az. Thats was fairly interesting. They have a lot of information thats not highly known or reported by the news. And then they got wasted and one started going on and on about his life, about how he was going to be 30 soon and all he had concentrated on in life was his career and now he is missing parts of his life. I would try and converse back with him but he was too far gone into himself and what he was doing. I would say something to further the conversation and he would sort of nod and then go back into la la land. It was as if he didnt even hear me.

Typical drunk men so far. I am not sure what is worse, dumb drunk girls or dumb drunk men wallowing about the road of life, what was, and what they lack.

Yaz and I also met a Katrina victem that moved to Az. He left New Olreans, went to another suburb outside of there, then went to Atlanta to see his parents and then came to Az. He is currently living with a family he doesnt know and all he kept saying was that he felt homeless. Had nothing of his belonging bc they were all pretty much scattered w/ fam and friends across the US. He is a boy that has nothing and yet everything w/ a promising future. He has really done well for himself education wise. He is a lawyer with a lot of potential to do well for himself if he can get back on feet and get a job here.

I can't really imagine what it is like for him right now. To have a home that was ruined, friends and fam scattered and not a pot of his own to piss in. Very sad, however I do believe that he will do well for himself and go far if he has the will power to do so.

~~~

About me.

Tonight was interesting bc I saw so many different types of life. Life is so very much interesting.

I think I am having to finish this post later bc I am tired and well cnat write anymore.

But I will say I am not a good heart breaker. And its always so typical that the person that loves me in that special way i dont love back like that, and the person that i love in that special way probably loves me too, but is & 'its' too complicated to even really explain. I dont want anyone to have any expectations of me bc I have no idea what is going on with me. My life has really just done a 180 for the better. Everything has changed but a few things. New type of job, friends, lack of BF and most important school. I am still trying to sort out myself and my life. It's too hard to really put any effort into things that werent there before all this happened. Even things that were there bf that were semi important I just cant deal with right now. I can only handle a few things at a time. I feel a lot of pressure from a lot of different angles and its weird bc i feel like i cant organize it all so that it is clear. I have thrown in the towel on a few things like friendships and otherwise. I am also just busy and not busy all at the same time. Timing is everything. Everything is complicated, confusing and something else that I cant seem to put into words.

I really didnt want to sleep alone tonight and here I am going to bed alone and I think somehow its for the better. Just dont know how. I guess I wouldnt have written this post if things had worked out differently.

Random and probably hard to understand, but that is the best I can do for now. Good night.

I love my new job

It's really so much fun. And I think I might make more money than I orginally thought. I am out of training and on my own on fri!

I've been kind of busy. It's a little bit harder to post and what not when I constantly am either going to school, doing homework or working. My life has all of a sudden been kinda busy.

To my blogger friends

My apologies for my lack of 'real' posts and comments on yours.

This blog was a place to record cool events, rant/rave, unload, and mostly talk about my feelings. However, I just havent had much to say lately. Don't have much going on in the ole' noggin. Actually there is a little but I don't want to really think about my 'feelings' and whats been going on bc a break up is hard and I don't want to go digging shit up. Maybe that's not a good way to approach it but right now that's what I have been doing. And since I have not really put forth an effort I havent really read everyones blog to comment. I'll visit and scan the entries, then leave.

This week has been kinda nice. I still hurt but I've known Blake is out of town and so there isnt much I can do. I know he can't call me, I can't call him and so it makes it kinda easier. I don't know how that makes sense. But when he went on vaca our little situation kind of went on vaca bc he's just not here. I think he gets back today. Yesterday I was kind of anxious about that. Today, I just woke up so how I feel hasn't really unfolded. I was pretty wound up yesterday though, so bad that I couldnt sleep. It took me forever to finally doze. I have no idea what he will do, if anything. I don't know what I should do if anything. I am kinda leaning towards not do anything.

The good thing is that I have been pretty much busy this week. After I start working on Saturday I'll be even more busy. So that is the good thing. I really want that peaceful thought back though, that he's not here. So I cant really obsess about it. Part of me thinks that this is it, and I won't hear much from him, but then the other part thinks that he won't let me go. So I'm nervous.

So that's about it.

Oh yesterday I went shopping yesterday and I bought a couple of pairs of jeans and I am in love with them. And I got this super hot shirt. I look awesome in it. Everything fits well and is complimentry. I'm not fat, not even chubby really, but I have some curves & the twins are of nice size, so plus that and being short finding clothes that I think I look good in are far and few between. So yay. I got an 'eat your heart out Blake' outfit.

I GOT A JOB!

I am now a server. I will be serving people just like yourself food at a very nice Sports Bar & Grill. I am very excited to get in the groove this new job. Getting to know the job will be the hardest part being that I never served before in my life. But I am eager to learn and make some GOOD cash. It's cool bc this place just opened and so the customer base isnt booming as of yet so I will learn my magic at less frantic state. As the restraunt builds customers I would had time to learn my server skills.

I am very happy! I start Saturday morning serving breakfast to fans of college football.

Back-ass-wards

OK, so I think I am may have been a little overly prepared for class....

Since the holiday I kinda mixed up my start times for my classes.

I think I am late and rush to my math class. I think to myself I am only 3min late, no biggie.

Well I walk in and the teacher is standing there already going over material on the board.

I scan the room and my normal spot is open. But I notice that the class looks different. I look around for my math buddies and none of them are there, or any other people from my class. I look at the board and the stuff that the teacher is covering is nothing that I did over the weekend. I take a peek at my schedule that is in my back pack and OH gosh, my class started at 10:30, not at 10 like I thought! One of my classes tomorrow start at 10! I got the class times confused and walked into a different math class!

So now I am in the computer lab trying to kill some time before my class really starts! Which is in 8 minutes.

That has been my day so far. I am also going to try and find a job.

So there it is. My embarresing moment # 994,638,789.

Yesterday I went to the lake (fri) and had a blast. It was just 3 of us that went but it was so much fun! One of the guys has a speed boat. I was the only girl but thats OK. I'm cool like that. We tied up the tube and had the boat pulling us on it. It was so much fun! The driver went really really really fast! I fell off 2x. The first time was fun, the 2nd time I fell off really awkwardly and face planted & body slapped the water. My chin kinda hurts today, along with my arms for trying to hold on for dear life. But it was good times overall!

Yesterday (fri) was also B's b-day. I didnt call him bc I am trying to prove to myself and (I wont lie) to him that I don't need him anymore. He couldnt make time to come get his b-day things from me. Said he was too busy getting ready to leave for his vaca to make the drive and squeeze me in. It really pissed me off. It was basically the last straw. I left him a message about that that I was mad & whatever and also that I was going to throw it away. I didn't though... I had a card and since I already sent back his real present I drew some pictures for him. (like to draw and paint) They took a while and are OK. I'll just keep them and add them to the 'blake box'.

I feel kinda bad that I didnt call, but then I don't. He didnt call me either and left today (sat) w/o a call too. I think it's a big deal that I didnt call 4 his b-day, but then again it may not be to a guy. If the table was turned I would be hurt if I were him. But that's probably the difference between guys and girls.

I don't remember when he is coming home. I he told me a while ago and I just havent asked again bc I dont want to know. Mostly bc I dont want to be like 'he's home now, why hasnt he called me!?!' Or thinking about him the day he gets home or whatever. I'll get the 'hint' after next weekend bc I know his vaca wasnt going to go over 7days. But whatever, I am weird. I don't think he will call. And if he did I have no idea what I would do or want from it. If anything. I have a week to myself knowing he is gone. It's like the best way to break up. One of the two people just leaves and cant be called, texted or e-mailed. There's no point bc they arent going to get it bc they are gone.

Breaking up is hard. Which brings me to this. Usually people don't just 'break up' and all is over. It's more of a wrap up. Breaking up doesnt really become 'official' untill some time has passed. Break ups are never just clean cuts offs that people totally stop talking. Maybe they should be. But it doesnt happen often from my experience. However though, B and I may have had an actual break up and wont talk again. Ya never never know.

I wonder what guys think when they think of recent ex gf's (if any guys want to tell me I'll be all ears). I know what I think about... good memories, bad memories, why he is wrong and an asshole, why I'll miss him, his dogs, how he will be with out me, what type of girl might end up with next, what he's doing, what he's thinking him, sex... which I shouldnt be bc thinking about that might keep me hanging. But I think about sex w/ him more than I would think girls normally would. But I do so that's me.

I'm sure everything will be fine though. Just going through the motions.

Besides that all is well. I havent really looked for a job yet. Been trying to enjoy life a bit. I will next week though. I cant live for very long w/o a job. Work sucks.

OKie dokie thats it for now.

Becky's Survey

1. First and middle name?
Rachael Wynne, pronounced like Lynne but with a W instead.

2. Were you named after anyone?
My Sis picked out my name bc there was a little girl that got lost and then found and story was on the news. She just heard it and liked it. My parents and her all picked out a name or two and put them in a hat and out came Rachael.

3. Do you wish on stars?
Yes, sometimes.

4. When did you last cry?
Friday, I was stressed and everwhelmed.

5. Do you like your handwriting?
Sometimes, it kinda looks like the writing on the County Crows CD 'August and everything' after.

6. What is your favorite lunch meat?
Turkey! Peppered Turkey to be exact.

7. What is your birth date?
Dec, 23, 1983

8. What is your most embarrassing CD?
I've been thinking about this and I dont know.... I dont really have one.

9. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you?
Fuck yeah! I rock! I can be direct but very loyal & understanding person.

10. Do you have a journal?
Yes, although I dont write in it much bc of this thing. Currently some of the pages are in the "blake box'.

11. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
I do, but I wouldnt say a lot.

12. What are your nicknames?
Rach -general/blake
Sugar lump - from mom
pooh girl - from mom

13. Would you bungee jump?
YES!

14. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
I always always were chunky flops. I may wear real shoes like 2x a year. Gotta love AZ!

15. Do you think that you are strong?
Yep!

16. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
Vanilla

17. Shoe Size?
7

18. Red or pink?
RED

19. What is your least favorite thing about yourself?
I wish my little belly was a bit littler

20. Who do you miss most?
That shit head

21. Do you want everyone that reads this to do the same?
Dont care

22. What color pants and shoes are you wearing?
barefoot and blue cotton shorts for lounging

23. What are you listening to right now?
the fan thats going

24. Last thing you ate?
ummm noodles in a cup

25. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
red

26. What is the weather like right now?
actually stormy

27. Last person you talked to on the phone?
Jeff

28. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Whether they are attractive or not
I'm shallow...

29. Do you like the person that you got this off of?
<3 becky

30. Favorite Drink?
Iced Tea

31. FAVORITE SPORT?
baseball

32. Hair Color?
dark red w/ thick blonde streaks

33. Eye Color?
green

34. Height?
5'1''
but with shoes on like 5'5''

35. Do you wear contacts?
yeah, I have bad eyes, not colored

36. Favorite Food?
home made atir fry, pizza, feta cheese, & italian food

37. Last Movie You Watched?
I think Sin City

38. Favorite Day Of The Year?
Of course my b-day!

39. Scary Movies Or Happy Endings?
I dont know... happy endings, but I to REALLY realize they are usually fake over done hollywood BS

40. Summer Or Winter?
Winter, but i do like to be able to swim...

41. Hugs OR Kisses?
Kisses, but cant have a good kiss w/o an warm hug

42. What Is Your Favorite Dessert?
Fizuki -sp?, it's half baked warm (right of the oven) cookie dough with a scoop of ice cream!

43. Who Is Most Likely To Do This to?
huh?

44. Who Is Least Likely To Do It?
I dont know...mojo

45. Living Arrangements?
With the fam-damily

46. What Books Are You Reading?
None, just finished 'In Her Shoes'

47. What's On Your Mouse Pad?
Dont have one

48. What Did You Watch Last Night?
news

49. Favorite Smells?
vanilla and my DG perfume

50. Favorite Sounds?
music, my mom, dad, and everyone elses voice that I love

51. Where Did You Meet Your Other Half?
Don't have one

Just my luck

Hey everyone, Rachael here. (as it is always)

OK for an update of my L.I.F.E.

So I went to work monday, all was well.
Went to work on Tuesday and all was not well.
I got laid off, let go, termed whatever. :(

They told me that they just didnt have enough stuff for me to do, & that it didnt make sense from a business stand point to keep me there. So they were emliminating the position all together. Which was true all I did was sit around and do random stuff, and the mail/fundings. But mostly just sat around.

But the thing that I am questioning is that on monday it was said that the big guy's - wife's camera and corporate folder (that had tax ids and other shit in it) went missing. I hope they didnt 'let me go' bc they thought I stole it. I didn't even think to say anything about it till after I was home. I surely would not steal someones camera and work folder.

So once again I am on the great job hunt. It sucks. But this time, I am not going to try and find another admin job. I talked w/ my Gram and she is going to let me use her as a reference and say that I worked at her bar. Which I didnt, but they dont have to know that. I am going to be a cocktail waitress. YAY. I'll probably make some $$, but it wasnt ideally what I wanted.

B and I are over too. I gave the no go and we are done. He said he was sorry and blah blah & that it was hard to 'let go'. I am upset about it. So I am going to stop here about that topic.

So I am off on another wild adventure to find another job and maybe after some time is gone by I will date again.

I might sell my car to get rid of the expense and drive the old intrepid that guzzles gas.

I want my life to be stable so I can continue with my school thing. Which I am very much enjoying.

That is the update.

I am SO BORING!

I wouldnt read my blog if I was another person.

I guess the thing of it is, is I dont write about personal stuff anymore. I just give the headlines and not really get into that much detail. I guess I can't handle being under the spotlight. It's hard to open yourself up to so many different people. They judje you, criticize your choices, & form opinions on things that are maybe a touchy subject. Then some just do all that and point it out for every else to see. Like what happened last week. It just seems easeir to be vague then to show the more softer side of things. I guess sometimes I try to be real, but then sometimes I just am kinda dumb.

~~~

I jinxed B this weekend, he went riding on his quad and got into an accident. He irratated me in an emial bf he left. So I replied for him to leave me alone, and then to be a snot I threw in 'so break a leg tomorrow daredevil'. Well B probably didnt even get that bf he left. But he almost killed himself on the quad ride. He bumped a big rock, fell off his bike, somehow his foot was caught and he was dragged by his bike and almost went over a 60ft high cliff. Luckily his bike stopped. Wasnt there, story doesnt make great sense. But good enough. We talked this morning while he was in the walgreens getting painkillers and relaxers. My mouth dropped. I didnt say one thing about my email. I was just glad he was OK.

It has really been a trying 2mos with him. I cant believe I am here still. Not like in a particular place as like on earth, but here mentally. He can be the best and the worst. IE the anxiety and probably the depression he suffers from. It's not so easy to just walk away and not look back. He is who he is, maybe someday I will grow so sick of it and leave. Or maybe he will get a firmer grip on what he suffers from.

I want to call him and pester him but I am trying hard to just wait and give him some time to relax hence this is the first day he had anything to help him sleep. Road rash I guess is covering a large amount of his body.

He is also leaving to go on his little 'guys vaca' on the 4th so it sucks to be him all screwed up. Just him and a guy friend, how much trouble could they possibly cause and get into? Should I eat my words right now?

~~~

Math is going well. Am so happy that I may just be up to par with what we are studying in class.

My psych/soc class has hit a BORING bump and I am hoping that it doesnt not continue in this direction.

~~~

Well anyways, I dont have much else going on. Happy f'in monday!

So far this weekend has been a good one. I've been busy.

Friday night Jeff took me out for this treat. We only made it to din din. Which was awesome. A very nice Mexican food restraunt. Then we came back to my casa and hung out. Also watched Napoleon Dynamite for the like 100th time. It's such a good movie. My Sis came out and hung out too. Finally a little 'dazed and confused' I walked Jeff out and hit the hay.

Saturday, I went to see Brothers Grimm with Momasita and Sissy. Good movie even though it didn't get great reviews. Afterwards, I realized Jeff had my sun glasses so I went to his house and pick them up. He had his friend over and I ended up staying. We watched Sin City and got 'dazed and confused'. ha. Well anyways Sin City was good. And I had a good time with Jeff and his buddy. Came home and hit the hay. Woke up at 8am! Was mad so I rolled over and slept some more till 10ish. A little better.

Today I am suppose to meet with my Dad and work on my Math homework. Gosh I hate math. I am so dumb dumb sometimes.

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B has not yet decided he gives a shit about me. I am so irritated with his repugnant attitude sometimes.

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So thats all that I am doing. I am so glad that Jeff is here. I love him to pieces! but anywho, I have not much else to write about here today. I should figure out what time I will be needing to put on my thinking cap. Hence my math hw. awhh gawsh. I hate it.

Blog BS

Update!
I would like to post all of my thougts.
I would like to say that I am a big fan of Becky. She was my first reader, and I think I was hers besides Chris of course. We watched each others blogs go from little unkown blogs, to blogs that get a few comments here there, to geting a handful. And along the way of getting to know her she has turned out to be a GREAT peson. I at first questioned her want for marriage, kids, and everything else. But getting to know her I think she is well aware of what she wants & is fully capable. And she has a great guy to do it with. I am happy for her. As we all should. Really it's no one business what her and Chris do. But I think she deserves all the happiness the world can give her, as we all do. It really disgusts me that people can be so mean and heartless. So anyone that wants to bad mouth her or really anyone else for that matter can eat my shit.
Ok, thats that. Thanks for reading.
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A recent topic on everyone's blogs has been about blogs or blogging.

What I dont understand is why people feel the need to so rudely blast other peoples blogs, person, choices and etc. This was suppose to be a free & safe place to rant, rave, bitch, curse, explore ideas, tell stories, and other personal and non personal things. So be why so rude about it? There are of course going to be difference of opinions. But be tacful. Be respectful! I know I have not always been perfect in this area. But my 'oops' usually come after someone else made a wrong move. It doesnt make me much better. But seriously. If you cant say something respectfully and tactfully then dont say it at all.

Everyone will have there own private thoughts. BUT do you really think here in bloggerland you are really going to change someones life that is 10 states away? No! You ARE NOT. So why make an ass out of yourself? People do not so easily change. At least not in a huge way. The only thing you will succeed in doing is angering them and making an ass out of yourself. And if you have something that you really feel is an important 'negative' issue that you feel you need to address to another blogger, request to EMAIL them in prviate so that everyone else that comes to that particular comment section doesnt see your bull shit opinion. That at least makes you look respectful and gives others an oppertunity to form there own opinion (or non at all) of whatever. 1st it is WRONG to bash people, and it makes it even worse when you do so for EVERYONE to read.

This is a place that we should be able to put our guards down and be our beautiful selves. So just CHILL and be nice. This isnt a place to make enemies. This is a place to read, learn, converse, and most importantly enjoy. And people that cross the line and blast other people are not the people that I think any of us came here to read about, learn from, and get to know.


a dedication goes to my twitterpated friend.

Close a door, a window appears

Todat I said goodbye to someone that was dear to my heart. It's hard and yet easy at the same time. People come and then people go. It's just hard fact of life, that I have been trying to work around to prevent. But it happens. There is no way to prevent these things, there is no way to work around them. It just happens. It has to happen bc then other good things that are to come will not. A door closes and then a window appears. Another window of oppertunity. Aint life grand?

At this moment, I am at some type of peace. I am sure that will change bc it always does. I will be angry, regretful, sad and all those other things. But all I can do is ride this one out and start over.

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I also cleaned out my e-mail today. I tend to let it stack up. I think this is a way to make me feel less lonely or something strange like that. I remember the last time I did this I was kind of disapointed everytime I opened my emial and to see that it was completely empty. I have folders for a lot of my things. Thing that normally people would delete but I just file away. I have enough memory, wy not? I have a total of 1934 filed e-mails. That not including the sent, trash and whatever other folders. That is alot isnt it?

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Anyways, Jeff is here from Cali so he is taking me out for a special treat. Dinner, dessert, and a movie. Love him to death. Couldnt be a better time.

Hope all have a good weekend!

I feel as though I have less and less to write about

Or maybe my want to write is less and less.

Anyways. I have not been as active on my blog. Why? I don't know. I am not so overly busy all of sudden. I still sit at work bored out of little mind. I have started to read books again, not just others blogs, ha. But school has defiantly taken over. Its a constant thing in my head. I do like having the extra responsibility. My Soc/Psych class is my favorite so far. Good thing I want that part of my career focus. Psychiatric nurse practioner.

The focus of the class is how people act on there own and with in a social group. Today we went over how people are effected my their social group. The larger the group the bigger of a impact and what's that fing word!?! Damn it I cant remember it again! GEEZE! ....IT"S INFLUENCE, well anyways, the bigger the group the more greatly the single person will be INFLUENCED & conform to the groups ideals. Seems basic right? But it's important. How people act on there own VS how they act with in a group is sooo different.

Even people that try and 'rebel' against the mainstream ideals & fads and etc will end up joining sub groups that share the same morals, values, & lifestyle. Well, once settled in this sub group most start to become competitive with each other on who is the most rebellious. And again the cycle repeats itself. People will stretch to be the biggest and baddest and will lose why they joined the sub group in the first place and then yet another sub group is formed. It's always about rebelling and stretching the lifestyle to be the most unique.

Just like for an example the emo kids VS punks or metal heads. My little brother was all punk rock. Then all of sudden punk rock wasn't original anymore and punk 'sold out' according to him. So then he followed his social group and is now into heavy metal. Not like hard core, he looks fairly normal. But he claims metal. Well the metal and punk kids generally don't like each other. And now a new music scene is exploding -Emo. I'm not so sure what it is so much as the look where boys wear make up, thick black glasses w/o the need for them, and weird back hair w/ cuts where the the front of the hair is long and in the face and then the back is short.

Well metal and punk are similar and they don't like each other and now that emo is the new gig -everyone that is not emo hates emo kids. These kids generally like my little brother didn't feel they fit into the preppie or jock stereo type and so started off rebelling with being punk. That became so popular now with our culture that he has moved into metal. And now a different 'rebel' sub group is started and there is even competition over who is the biggest bad ass among the different groups.

Not only is there competition with in the sub groups as to who is more 'punk', with the most knowledge of underground music, who skates, whose hair is better or whatever. Same goes with 'metal' -who can head bang the best or mosh, and then 'Emo' who has the best decked out look with hair, glasses, and black eyeliner. But also the competition starts to thrive with these other sub groups whose 'scene' is better or badder.

Make sense? Am I doing Ok explaining?

Well anyways this class we are going to look at these type of things; the individual and the group.

I think this will be good for me. I too rebelled and had this whole get up with alternative hair, clothes, & attitude. Well for some reason around the age of 16 something about the way things socially didn't really appeal to me anymore bc we were just like the original group that I was trying to not be in - in the first place. And since then I have just been 'Rachael' and not stereo type myself into anything and just do things that feel good and comfy to me.

I have a hard time understanding people now bc I don't get why people are such in a craze to fit in, compete with one another, and these social conformities.

And it goes way beyond the just the music scene. I see this everywhere. If you don't follow the masses or the hurd you usually run into social conflicts.

I never got it. And always had my own opinion that eventually caused me some grief. People don't 'agree to disagree' very often and there is always some issue.

So anyways that is my class. Maybe a bit overexplained for you readers, but agh well.

If you are still reading at this point know that I may just go off like that again later down the road.

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About other things. Right now I feel kinda shitty. I am at some cross roads. Aren't I always? I wish god had a telephone and I could just buzz him and ask for advise. I like to hear opinions bc I think that maybe I will gain some knowledge and I am looking for some type of answer. Hopefully it will come to me soon.

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Other news....
I have none that I can think of.

So till I do; I hope all is well.

First day of school

Last night I was so anxious I couldn't sleep. I didnt fall asleep till after 3am and then woke up at 7. 4 hours of sleep. I am sitting next to the guy I knew from middle school in my CIS class. He seems cool, kinda hot.

I am at work right now. My boss said I could leave early. I feel like crap. I am so tired. Really am. And I feel so would up. I feel shaky kinda.

But anyways, school was good. I like my teachers so far (its the first day) and the subject matter seems good and it will keep me interested.

My Psych 253 class is really small bc it's higher level, but that is OK bc sometimes I can be totally social and then sometimes I want to blend in to the wall.

My Dad is going to pay for my BOOKS! I spent almost $400 on books alone. Thats a lot of money for me to fork over so I am just so happy that I got cut some slack there. Thanks Dad!

So I cant wait to get out of here.

Hope all is well with everyone!

What a day its going to be

I have stuffed myself on cookies. Yummy!

I have to go to tempe tonight an help Yazi move. I am not excited for this, however no one else is available last min to help her get her bed in her new casa. oiy oiy. Last night was a all nighter, and again tonight for a bit! What are friends for? This esact thing!

I am so not ready for school tomorrow! Damn it. It's my fault though!

If I get home in time I will post more.